


endlessly toward tomorrow

by tatoeba



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, aspiring musicians, chanxing bond over music that's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-04 08:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatoeba/pseuds/tatoeba
Summary: through bright smiles and playful guitar sessions, chanyeol reminds yixing that some dreams aren’t so easy to give up.





	endlessly toward tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> very vaguely inspired by [this post](http://jongdoses.tumblr.com/post/41276567459/well-be-famous-one-day-i-promise). title from asu e by galileo galilei which is something i listened to a lot while writing this (listen [here](http://www.jpopsuki.tv/video/Galileo-Galilei---Asu-He/73c269d5ddcb354287060bf8f5078fd0) / [translation](http://lyricstranslate.com/en/asu-e-%E6%98%8E%E6%97%A5%E3%81%B8-tomorrow.html)). thank you to what’s become the mighty combined team vegaltair for all the encouragement and support, to annie for all the help on plotting and jay for the beta, and to the lovely mods for being so understanding and accommodating of my fail lol. you’re all the best, i couldn’t have done this without you ;; ( ˘ ³˘)❤
> 
> originally written for exorbitantly challenge, posted 05.31.2014

Yixing feels his stomach plummet as he stares at the computer screen. He’d been expecting this, but the actual reality of seeing his low grades practically staring back at him, mockingly, makes Yixing remember how much he felt like this only two years ago. He can’t...He can’t go back to that.

With a sigh he logs out of the computer in the student center and stands, the chair screeching across the floor. He heaves his backpack over his shoulders and tries not to think about his grades, about how his mother is sure to call in a few days and ask, as she always does, how well everything is going. He doesn’t think about how he will have to hide the truth.

It’s a little after five and Yixing figures he could do with some food now to take his mind off things and makes his way toward the cafeteria when he passes one of the large bulletin boards on the wall, full of pinned flyers promoting school programs and nearby business specials.

Yixing walks past here all the time and is rarely ever interested, but maybe it’s because of the sickening weight of his grades on his shoulders that leads him to catch sight of a bright red sheet of paper, standing out against the sea of white.

 _Looking for an Accounting tutor? Call anytime!_ it reads, followed by a number and a name: Park Chanyeol.

Yixing vaguely recognizes the name. Is he in Yixing’s Accounting class? Or was he one of Baekhyun’s friends? He can’t remember. But he rips off one of the little pre-cut stubs from the bottom and stares at it. There’s a small musical note at the end next to Chanyeol’s name. It makes Yixing frown in confusion but he shrugs and decides not to question it. Maybe Park Chanyeol was trying to be cute.

He pockets the slip of paper and heads to class.

 

 

♫

 

 

“Hey, are you coming out with us tonight?” Lu Han asks. “You have to, you _promised_.”

“I did no such thing,” Yixing counters and Lu Han pouts at him from where he’s sprawled across Yixing’s bed. “And I can’t anyway, I have a tutoring session.”

“Tutoring? For what?”

“Accounting. I need it if I don’t want to fail.”

“I thought you were doing well in that class.”

“Well, my recent exam suggests otherwise.” Yixing sighs, shutting off his laptop and searching for his Accounting books.

“You know,” Lu Han says, picking the book up from the side of the bed and handing it over. “You wouldn’t have to worry about tutors if you’d switch to music, like you want.”

Yixing stills for a second, but then plasters a smile to his face and stuffs his notes into his bag. “This _is_ what I want,” he says. “Business. Taking over my family’s restaurant. That’s what will get me places.”

Lu Han narrows his eyes at him, drawing himself up into a sitting position. He doesn’t look convinced but he never does when Yixing tells him this. “You shouldn’t keep lying to yourself,” he says softly.

“I’m not,” Yixing insists. “Now get up, I’m heading out.”

Lu Han obeys, even though it looks like he has much more to say. Yixing checks his pockets for his keys, locks up after they leave and head out of the dorm.

“I just want you to be happy, XingXing,” Lu Han says, slinging an arm around Yixing’s neck and drawing him into a headlock.

It’s hot outside even at this time of day and Yixing tries to squirm away from the additional heat of Lu Han’s body. He laughs loudly, startling a young girl on her way past them, and that has Lu Han laughing, too. “I am happy, Xiao Lu,” Yixing says.

Maybe if he says it enough, he’ll start to believe it.

 

 

♫

 

 

The second Yixing sees Park Chanyeol, he does recognize him as the kid in his class with the long legs he keeps stretched out in the front row and Professor Jung has to constantly try not to trip over. He _is_ Baekhyun’s friend, too, and Jongdae’s, now that Yixing sees him. The guy with the loud voice who dyed all of Jongdae’s socks pink in the wash before he knew that pink was Jongdae’s favorite color.

“Hey!” Chanyeol greets him enthusiastically. They’re meeting in the cafeteria instead of the library. _It’s too quiet in there and people get angry at me because my voice is too loud even when I’m whispering,_ is what Chanyeol’s email said when they planned their session.

Yixing feels more comfortable here anyway, and as it’s a Friday night, the cafeteria is mostly empty. Chanyeol is leaning back against his chair at a table meant for six people and he’s practically taken over his half with books and notes. A guitar case is resting against the end of the table and Yixing is reminded of the musical note on Chanyeol’s poster. Maybe there was more to that than just being cute.

Yixing sits down opposite him, lets his bag thunk to the ground by his feet. “Thanks for meeting with me,” Yixing says. “Your sign was practically a lifesaver.”

Chanyeol laughs loudly. It’s a nice sound, like a ringing G on the piano. “You’re the only person who called me, so really I should be thanking _you_.” He grins at Yixing, all full white teeth. “We’re in the same 10 AM class, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Yixing says. “You’re friends with my roommate, too. Jongdae.”

“Ah! No wonder your name sounded so familiar.” He claps his hands together excitedly, his eyes are bright.

“So, should we get started?” Yixing asks and Chanyeol nods.

“Sure,” he says, sliding his snapback around so the bill is not in his face. He grins at Yixing, who tries not to look at Chanyeol’s guitar and instead smiles back.

 

 

♫

 

 

“I heard Chanyeol’s tutoring you,” Jongdae says as form of greeting. He slips onto a stool at the counter of the cafe Yixing works at and reaches out for a muffin resting out on a tiered plate.

Yixing smacks the back of his hand. “Pay up first, cheapskate,” he says and Jongdae pouts at him. Yixing has to look away because he’s a little too weak to cutesy faces and Minseok’s already on his back for giving out freebies. “And yes, he is. I really needed help and he’s good.”

“He was asking me why I’d never introduced you guys before,” Jongdae says. “Next time we hang out, you should come too.”

Yixing smiles. “If I’m not busy,” he says. “I have a lot of homework these days and with the tutoring and work I have to catch up--”

“You need a _break_ , hyung,” Jongdae says. “You study all the time and for what? It’s not even something you want to do.”

“Are you ordering something?” Yixing asks. He doesn’t want to talk about what he wants to do and what he doesn’t. He doesn’t have the energy or the time, no matter how much his friends try to bring it up. He raises a brow at Jongdae expectantly and Jongdae opens his mouth, looking ready to argue, but then sighs, his shoulders drooping.

“You win this time,” he says and it makes Yixing smile despite himself. “But only because I could really use a chai latte.”

Yixing cheerful says, “Coming right up,” and he gives Jongdae that muffin he was eyeing earlier before he leaves to make his drink. A silent thanks for letting the topic go, even if Yixing knows it will only come back up later.

 

 

♫

 

 

“Do you need help with that?” a familiar voice startles Yixing from figuring out how to carry his books and the giant box he’d picked up from the post.

He drops the books to the floor and Chanyeol’s low laugh fills up his ears. He bends over to pink them up. “Thanks,” Yixing says. “I wasn’t expecting such a large package.”

“That _is_ something,” Chanyeol agrees. He follows Yixing out of the student center doors.

“My mom worries too much,” Yixing says with a wry smile.

“Well, it must be hard, being in a different country and all.”

Yixing shrugs. “It’s not so bad. Not anymore, at least.” The first year was really rough and YIxing isn’t quite sure how he made it through. He realizes Chanyeol is following along with him, still holding Yixing’s books. “I can take those, if you’ve somewhere to be--”

Chanyeol waves a hand at him. “Nah, it’s cool. Wouldn’t want you dropping them again.” He grins. “I have to head down this way, too.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Yixing says, uncertain.

“I am,” Chanyeol replies. “So how’s accounting going? Is it a little more understandable?”

“Yes,” Yixing says. “You’ve been helping a lot.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Chanyeol says happily and Yixing laughs. “What’s your major again?”

“Business,” Yixing says and when Chanyeol blinks, tilting his head at him, considering, Yixing feels a little uncomfortable.” What?”

“I wouldn’t have guessed that, on first impression,” Chanyeol says with a shrug.

“What did you think then?”

“I’m not sure, something more artistic?” Chanyeol says, pursing his mouth thoughtfully. His lips are full, pink. Yixing looks away quickly. They’re reaching his dorm and he tries to remember if he brought his keys with him. Is Jongdae even in their room?

Chanyeol’s words suddenly click in his brain and he blinks in surprise, looking up at him with wide eyes. His chest feels a little tight. “I didn’t think I gave off that impression.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “Not really, but from our tutoring sessions I got the feeling you weren’t really interested. Plus, your notes have a bunch of cute doodles in the margins. That was kind of a giveaway.”

Yixing laughs. “Accounting is really boring,” he says seriously and Chanyeol barks out a laugh, too. “But that’s what I need to do what I want to do,” he adds and he has gotten so good at saying it that Chanyeol doesn’t question him.

Chanyeol takes the box from Yixing when they reach his dorm so Yixing can take out his keys and refuses to hand it back. “These guns aren’t just for show, you know,” he says with a wink and Yixing hadn’t noticed before but he does now, the nice tone of Chanyeol’s arms visible even through his short sleeves.

Jongdae is in the room when they arrive and Yixing gestures to his lower bunk for Chanyeol to set the box on. “He’s tutoring you and carries your shit for you?” Jongdae says. “I’ve known him for years and he won’t even lend me money for lunch.”

“That’s because you never pay anyone back,” Yixing replies and Chanyeol snickers.

Offended, Jongdae huffs at them before turning to Yixing’s giant package. “Can I open it?” he asks and Yixing shrugs.

“Go for it,” he says, taking the books Chanyeol had set atop the box and putting them on his desk instead. Chanyeol has joined Jongdae by his bed and Jongdae is showing him all the cool Chinese snacks Yixing’s mom has sent over. Yixing smiles to himself and leaves them at it; Jongdae loves when Yixing’s mom sends him things because he usually ends up eating most of it.

“There’s a letter,” Jongdae says and Yixing waves a hand toward his desk so Jongdae throws it over. Yixing doesn’t bother with it. He knows what it will say.

_Do well on your studies._

_We’re so proud of you._

_Maybe it’d be easier if you came home and finished the year off here._

It’s the same every time. Yixing will read it later and then put it into the small shoebox under his bed with all the others he’s received over the past few years. He’ll read it tomorrow morning, maybe, before work, so that a day at the cafe can help him forget all about it.

“Hey, do you play?” Chanyeol suddenly asks, sounding much closer than before. Yixing jumps slightly, turning around to find him peering over his shoulder into Yixing’s closet.

He’d been looking for something but now he turns back to where Chanyeol’s gaze is and _oh_. The guitar case stuffed into the back of his closet is half hidden by clothes and a thin layer of dust.

“A little,” he says finally because Chanyeol is staring at him curiously, almost excitedly. “Not much these days, what with classes and stuff.”

Jongdae frowns at him from where he’s still lying across Yixing’s bed, a torn packet of candy in his hands. Yixing looks away.

“You play, right?” he asks Chanyeol. “I saw your guitar the first time we had our tutoring session.”

“Yeah, I’m majoring in music,” Chanyeol says with a grin. “Guitar is my favorite, but I can play a few other instruments, too.”

“Show off,” Jongdae says, loudly, and Chanyeol reels around and pretends to pummel him into Yixing’s bed. Once Jongdae’s screaming for mercy does he let up, laughing delightedly and his black hair in disarray.

“You should come see me play sometime,” Chanyeol says to Yixing, and the way he looks almost hopefully at Yixing makes it difficult to say no.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing is only a little surprised when a week later Chanyeol texts him the name and address of a small dive where he’s playing that Friday night.

_You should come! It’ll be fun! :)_ the message reads and Yixing pretends to forget to reply so he doesn’t give Chanyeol false hope.

In the end, he can’t stop thinking about it. He’s curious. To be honest, he’s been curious since he first met Chanyeol and saw the guitar case next to his backpack. Since he caught Chanyeol humming the bars to a Nell song under his breath and saw the way he drums his fingers on the table like he’s playing the piano. Yixing used to do that, too. Chanyeol is so loud and animated and even if he and Yixing aren’t exactly friends, Yixing wouldn’t mind getting to know him more. And he wants to see, how all the energy Chanyeol has translates into music.

He drags Lu Han with him because Lu Han likes these sorts of things and they show up five minutes before nine, when Chanyeol had told Yixing was his time slot.

“Cutting it close,” Lu Han says as they elbow their way as close to the small stage as possible. It’s empty now, the previous act just ending when they arrived, and Yixing stares at the mic and the chair set up, a strange sort of nervousness in his gut. He doesn’t understand it. It’s not like he’s playing. He hasn’t done something like this in six years.

“Ah, that’s him, isn’t it?” Lu Han hisses and sure enough, Chanyeol is walking onto the stage with his guitar. It’s a Walden D55OCE, and Yixing is impressed. A good guitar with a great sound. He’s thought of purchasing that one many times but that’s become a pipe dream he locks up with the guitar he already has in the back of his closet.

He shifts his attention to Chanyeol. He’s dressed nicely, forgoing the usual jeans and oversized hoodie for dark, tight slacks and a crisp red button down. He’s wearing those giant black rimmed glasses though and he pushes them up his nose as he settles into the chair and adjusts the mic.

“Hey everyone,” Chanyeol says, his deep voice sounding even louder into the mic. He laughs sheepishly, pulling away from the mic enough so that when he speaks next, it’s not quite as booming. Yixing can’t help the smile tugging at his lips.

“I’ll be playing a few covers and then a song I wrote myself. Please be kind.” He laughs again and so do some people scattered about the audience. Then he strums his guitar and launches into a cover of Yozoh’s Day Dream.

Yixing can’t look away.

His voice isn’t quite as powerful as Jongdae’s and he doesn’t have all of Kyungsoo’s training, but the low, dulcet sounds of his words hit Yixing hard. Chanyeol plays two covers and then takes a small break to chug a few gulps of water. The response has been good and maybe he’s played here before because a few people call out his name in encouragement. Yixing can see how easily Chanyeol eats it all up, grin wider than ever, eyes bright in happiness.

“This is my last song. It’s one I wrote, but I haven’t come up with a title yet.” He laughs. “If you’ve got ideas, catch me after the show. One day I’ll be famous and I’ll make sure to credit you!” The audience’s responding laughter has Chanyeol beaming. Yixing is grinning, too.

Lu Han nudges him. “He’s cute,” he says. “And good. Really good.”

There’s a slight look in his eyes, like he’s trying to say Yixing is just that good, that this is what Yixing should be doing, too, but Yixing doesn’t let himself dwell on it.

“He is,” he agrees easily. “Good, that is,” he adds, because with Lu Han, it’s best to clarify and he doesn’t need Lu Han to think Yixing thinks Chanyeol is cute. Even if it’s true.

Lu Han doesn’t look like he believes him but just says something about getting a drink and leaves Yixing to watch as Chanyeol sets up for his last song. It’s a much slower ballad than the covers he did, but he performs with the same enthusiasm, eyes closed as he sings, full pink lips easily forming the words.

It’s not like Yixing’s never seen anyone perform like this before, but there’s something. Something there in the effortless way Chanyeol strums his guitar, rough, square fingers sliding across the strings into chords, the way he smiles at everyone - to himself - in between verses, the way his lyrics remind Yixing of the hundreds of scribbled songs he has in the worn-out leather notebook his grandmother gave him, now as dusty and untouched as his guitar.

Chanyeol finishes to loud applause and he thanks everyone profusely before wandering off stage. Yixing hesitates to go after him, to tell him how well he did, but in the end he finds Lu Han and downs a few shots.

It’s not enough to get the sound of Chanyeol’s voice out of his head.

 

 

♫

 

 

When Yixing was five his grandmother taught him how to play the piano. She positioned his fingers on the smooth white keys, pressed them down and Yixing, delighted, tried again and again to make the beautiful sounds come of the their old Yamaha piano. She taught him what each key was called, how to find middle C, how to flit his fingers across in a clear scale. Sometimes she would play while Yixing sat in her lap and listened to her sing, to the pretty melody that filled the house and he would hum under his breath throughout the day.

When Yixing was fourteen, he picked up guitar after his grandparents bought him one for his birthday. His parents indulged in it, telling him it was good to be able to play instruments and have a respectable sort of hobby, but to Yixing it was always so much more than that.

Somewhere between when Yixing was sixteen and he played a song he’d written himself for the girl he liked and when he was nineteen and declaring business as his major, Yixing pushed aside how much music meant to him and those dreams he’d had of making it big, big enough that everyone would know his name and his music, that he could touch people’s hearts the way music had always touched his.

Now he leaves his guitar tucked away where he doesn’t have to see it and hides the journal with all his lyrics under a pile of old school books and he focuses on the numbers and the voice of his father telling him how proud he is.

And he doesn’t think about music at all.

 

 

♫

 

 

“I saw your show on Friday,” Yixing tells Chanyeol the following Monday as they leave Accounting together. Yixing would’ve said so earlier when Chanyeol slid into the seat next to him, but Chanyeol had run his mouth about how his roommate Jongin had thought it would be funny to set his alarm late and Chanyeol would’ve almost missed class had he not woken up on his own ten minutes after his alarm should have gone off. Yixing had been too intrigued by the animated way Chanyeol talks, moving his hands too much and face scrunching up in irritation. Cute. Too cute. Thankfully class had started soon after so Yixing didn’t have to consider that thought too long.

Now they walk slowly down the hall toward the stairs and Chanyeol has his notebook clenched between his teeth as he tries to unzip his bag which seems to be stuck. He looks at Yixing in surprise when his words finally seem to register and gives up on his bag to free his mouth. “Really?” he says. “You never replied to my text and I didn’t see you after--”

“I didn’t say I was going in case something came up, but I was curious. To see how you play.”

“And?” He looks at Yixing like his approval means the world.

“It was good. Really good. I didn’t think you knew how to control your voice.”

Chanyeol laughs and shoves at him lightly and Yixing grins, wide. “I’m not always loud,” he says, but Yixing knows. How quiet Chanyeol can be in class, dutifully listening and taking notes, when Yixing is stuck on a question during one of their tutoring session and he waits patiently to let Yixing concentrate and ask for help when he needs it. “Besides, this is my major. Music. I have to be good at it if I want to get anywhere.”

“I liked your original song. The chord progression after the second verse was really memorable. I couldn’t get it out of my head.” Yixing doesn’t know why he’s telling Chanyeol this. He doesn’t talk about music like this anymore.

But the way Chanyeol’s eyes light up almost makes it worth it. “That’s my favorite part,” he says. “Are you sure you only play a little? That sounds like something a musician would say.”

Yixing smiles at him and doesn’t answer. “Thanks for telling me about your show. I’m glad I went.”

“Next time you need to stick around,” Chanyeol says and he lightly nudges Yixing with an elbow.

“We’ll see,” Yixing says simply, because even if he wouldn’t mind seeing Chanyeol perform again, he’s not entirely sure it’s a good idea. Not when the familiar sound of the guitar has filled his ears again in a way it hasn’t done for years.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing starts to see a lot more of Chanyeol after that and not just when they meet up for their tutoring sessions. Chanyeol is a lot like Jongdae and Baekhyun, loud and active and always insisting to meet up even when Yixing says he’s busy and needs to study. More often than not he’ll find a few messages on his phone from Chanyeol asking him to join him for dinner in the cafeteria, or inviting himself over to crash on the floor and fill Yixing’s room up with the quiet strum of guitar.

That’s probably the worst of it. He can deal with being dragged out of bed at nine in the morning to get breakfast, or to catch a movie together with Chanyeol and his roommate, but when Chanyeol shows up at his room with his guitar and a new song he’s been writing, scribbled lyrics in a tiny notebook so much like Yixing’s own, well. Yixing doesn’t know what to do. When Chanyeol stops and asks him how something sounds and Yixing has to push down the urge to tell him that maybe it’d be better if he switched it down a step or shortens the bridge a bit. Instead he just shrugs and says it sounds good, as simply as he can, not because he doesn’t want to help Chanyeol, but because he doesn’t need to be pulled into something that he has long since let go.

“Why do you ask me for help?” Yixing finally asks him one evening. “Wouldn’t someone like Baekhyun, who’s actually majoring in music too, be more helpful?”

“Baekhyun’s a dick and would just make things worse to be honest,” Chanyeol laughs and Yixing does, too, because yeah, that’s probably true. “And besides, I can tell you know more about guitar than you let on. I’m curious.” He looks at Yixing with wide, imploring eyes, like maybe that will make Yixing tell him everything.

Yixing just chuckles and looks away instead, turning back to his computer to finish writing up a paper for a class. “You’re not going to find out much,” he tells him.

The strum of guitar fills the room again. “That’s okay,” he says, as he starts playing a Jason Mraz song that Yixing can’t remember the name of, “I have a lot of patience.”

 

 

♫

 

 

Friday nights are Yixing’s favorite time to work at the cafe. It’s usually the busiest and he likes how fast time goes by and seeing familiar faces of classmates as they come and go throughout the evening. Friday nights are also when they have open mic, the small stage in the corner set up for anyone interested in performing whatever they want. It keeps things interesting and even if Minseok rails on Yixing for getting distracted by watching people perform, Yixing wouldn’t trade it at all.

"I didn't know you worked here," Chanyeol says. He's got his guitar case over his shoulders and a smile on his face, a cap on backwards on his head. "I already texted you to come see me play tonight, but I guess it wasn't necessary."

"I guess not," Yixing agrees. He hasn't had a chance to look at his texts since he started his shift, but he can just imagine the one Chanyeol sent, with too many exclamation marks and probably follow up texts when Yixing didn't reply. "What're you playing today?"

"It's a surprise," Chanyeol says with a wink and Yixing laughs. "Unless you have a request?"

Yixing purses his lips in thought. A few songs come to mind but he pushes them back. "I'll let you know if I think of something," he says.

"Well, you've got maybe thirty minutes, because I think I'm going up after that kid with the violin," Chanyeol says. "That'll be a hard act to beat." He frowns cutely and Yixing can't help but reach across the counter to poke his cheek. Chanyeol turns back to him in surprise, but laughs, and the anxiousness that filled Yixing's chest fades away.

"You'll be fine," he says. He doesn't say _you always are_ , but the way Chanyeol looks at him suggests that maybe he knows. "So, since you've got time. What can I get you?"

"Surprise me," Chanyeol grins.

He ends up sitting at the counter and chatting with Yixing while he works. It's nothing different than what any of Yixing's other friends do, but somehow it _is_ and Yixing can't quite figure out why. Chanyeol asks him questions about how long he's worked at the café, what Yixing's favorite drink is, how to get Yixing to bring him free muffins in the morning. He drums his fingers across the countertop like he usually does, but he's matching the beat of Wonder Girls’ Tell Me as it plays while two girls are on stage singing along. He claps the loudest after each performance and it's really adorable, his enthusiasm.

"Do you know who that is?" Yixing asks after someone steps up to recite a funny slam poem about coffee shops.

"Not a clue," Chanyeol laughs, "but it takes guts to get up there, you know? Everyone deserves a bit of applause for that, at least."

Yixing understands that. He can still remember how nervous he'd been playing the piano for the first time at a recital, even if he'd spent hours upon hours rehearsing and he could play in his sleep, actually being up there was terrifying. But the rush after a successful show - that made it worth it. That's something he misses.

"You don't seem like the kind of guy to get nervous though," Yixing points out and Chanyeol smirks.

"Because I'm awesome," he says.

When Chanyeol does end up on stage awhile later, it's with the same ease and energy that Yixing saw the first time. He greets the crowd happily and launches into a cover of Ride's Vapour Trail. It's a slow, calming song that fills the café nicely and Chanyeol's low, soothing voice rings loud and clear in Yixing's head as he continues to take orders and tries not to spill coffee all over himself when his attention keeps drifting back to Chanyeol.

"I've never seen you so interested in someone's performance before," Minseok comments after Yixing gets an order wrong and has to deal with an annoyed looking businessman. "What makes him so different?"

Yixing shrugs, eyes focused on Chanyeol who has his own closed as he sings, one eye a little more scrunched up than the other. "When I figure it out, I'll let you know," he answers Minseok with a small chuckle after he finally tears his gaze away.

 

 

♫

 

 

"I can't wait to get out of here," Chanyeol says one day. He'd met Yixing at his dorm to go over a the recent chapter in Accounting but had stuck around afterward, lounging out on Yixing's bed with his long legs and beanie over his head that made his ears stick out more than usual. His guitar is in his hands because Yixing's learned that if Chanyeol isn't doing something else, he's playing. It's like his hands are magnetized to the frets and the strings. Yixing remembers feeling that way once, too.

"Out where? You mean graduating?" Yixing asks. Chanyeol is strumming nonsensical chords now, not really playing anything but still filling the room with a slow, pleasurable sound.

"Yeah, but more than that," Chanyeol says. "Like, if I had my way, I'd be trying to get my music out to the world, you know? I'd rather be out on the streets playing, going to even more clubs or cafes to get in a few numbers."

Yixing turns to look at him, and Chanyeol flashes him a grin. His fingers never stop moving along the guitar. Yixing's gotten so used to the sound that it's strange, now, when he studies alone and there's no lull of the guitar in his ears.

"If that's what you want, why are you in school?"

"My parents said I could do whatever I wanted as long as I went to college," Chanyeol answers simply. "They'd support me with that 'music hobby' as they called it." He laughs. "So here I am." He makes a grand gesture with his arms wide, his guitar slipping a little in his lap with nothing to hold onto it, but then his fingers find the frets again, pressing down into an E chord and working up with ease like he never let go at all. "It's not so bad," he adds. "I'm learning a lot."

"Yeah?" Yixing says, grinning.

"Definitely," he says. "And I get to meet cool people like you, with secret musical pasts."

That has Yixing laughing and he swivels back around in his chair to continue on studying. It's difficult now, Chanyeol's words running through his head and reminding him of years ago, back when Yixing was sixteen and carried his guitar around almost everywhere and recorded music on his laptop in his room early in the morning after his parents left for work. It reminds him of all the dreams he'd had about making it big, making a name of himself.

It reminds him of how terrible it felt to push that all away into a little box and pretend he'd never dreamt them up at all.

"Got a request?" Chanyeol asks, cutting through Yixing's thoughts and he looks at Yixing so hopefully that he says the first thing that comes to mind. Chanyeol looks surprised for a moment, but then he grins wide and settles back against Yixing's pillows and starts playing.

"There must be some way out of here, said the joker to the thief," Chanyeol sings. His English isn't perfect and he stumbles over some of the words but Yixing doesn't care. He hums under his breath and catches the smirk Chanyeol sends him from the corner of his eyes and Yixing thinks about what Chanyeol said earlier and about the guitar in his closet just a few steps away and the itch that's started up again under his fingertips.

_There must be some way out of here._

Yixing thinks.

 

 

♫

 

 

"So, since when have you and Chanyeol become so close?" Baekhyun questions, flopping into the seat across from Yixing in the cafeteria, his lunch tray thunking loudly onto the tabletop. "You're practically all he ever talks about."

Yixing blinks at that, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. "Really?" he questions when he's found his voice. Baekhyun looks at him curiously.

"You didn't know that?" he says. "He thinks you're suuuper interesting."

"I'm not though," Yixing says, brows furrowing as he finally takes a bite of his meal. "I do think Chanyeol is interesting. And I wouldn't say we're that close." He shrugs. "We hang out sometimes when he's not helping me with Accounting."

"He invites you to all of his shows."

"I've only been to one," Yixing says. "I saw another only because he performed at the café."

Baekhyun hums, his eyes narrowing as he assesses Yixing like he's committed a crime. Yixing laughs at him and lightly kicks him under the table.

"What're you trying to get at?"

"Nothing," Baekhyun says in a tone of voice that suggests otherwise. "I just find it peculiar is all. Chanyeol seems like the kind of person you wouldn't want to be friends with."

Frowning, Yixing sets his chopsticks down. "Why would you say that? He's nice. We have a lot in common."

"You mean you have _music_ in common, except _you_ don't play anymore."

"Is that a crime?" Yixing questions, setting his chopsticks down. He doesn't feel very hungry anymore.

"No," Baekhyun says and if he notices Yixing's discomfort about this topic, it doesn't seem to stop him. He shovels food into his mouth and chews loudly and Yixing passes him a napkin once he swallows. "It's just that, for someone who always wants nothing to do with music, you sure seem to surround yourself with a lot of people who like it."

"I don't want nothing to do with music," Yixing says, "I just don't find it as important as I once did. It's not important, in the grand scheme of things. I have other things I need to worry about." He sighs, shaking his head. "And well, the friend thing was rather unfortunate. I can't seem to get rid of any of you." He grins when Baekhyun protests loudly, reaching out to swipe at Yixing's neck where he knows he's sensitive.

"You should be honored to have me in your life," Baekhyun huffs, sinking back into his seat. "I'm a treasure."

Yixing grins. "You're something all right," he says, his shoulders shaking as he laughs when Baekhyun reaches across the table to aim a half-hearted punch at him.

It isn't until later, when they're heading out of the cafeteria together, that Baekhyun hooks an arm around Yixing's elbow and leans into him a bit and says, "Hyung, I know you don't like any of us talking to you about this."

Yixing bites his lip, tries to pull away, from Baekhyun, from the inevitable conversation, but Baekhyun holds on tight.

"But it's not like we're completely suggesting you rewrite your whole life. It's just. Music is important to you, no matter how much you deny it." He smiles at Yixing, pretty eyes curving into little crescents and his purple hair bright in the sunlight. "Sure, go ahead and major in something boring like ~business~, if you think that's what you want." Yixing snorts at that, and Baekhyun's smile widens for a moment before he turns serious again and Baekhyun is a lot of things, but serious is very rarely one of them, so Yixing knows that this is important, is sure that his friends have talked about it between themselves. Yixing doesn't mind, he knows that they care, but it's exhausting, having to repeat himself. "Why do you cut music out completely? Why stop doing something you really liked? There's no reason you can't have both."

Yixing bites his lower lip and doesn’t reply, looking down at the ground as they walk. It doesn't look like Baekhyun is particularly interested in an answer, instead just planting the seed in Yixing's thoughts like he's hoping for Inception, that maybe Yixing will wake up tomorrow and be a changed person.

And it’s not like he hasn’t thought the same thing over and over for the past few years. It’s not like he doesn’t miss playing, spending his time composing and putting his thoughts into lyrics. It’s just not that easy, not anymore. Not after the conversations Yixing remembers with his father about taking a break from music, and the phone call from his mother, halfway into his first year, that changed practically everything. How close he’d been to having to go back to China at the end of his first year, when his grades had sunk so low because he’d spent so much time playing instead of studying.

"When did you get so caring?" is all Yixing says in response, reaching out to ruffle Baekhyun's hair and snickering when Baekhyun pretends to be offended. It's enough to distract Baekhyun from the conversation at hand, and enough for Yixing to act like he hasn't already thought about this everyday for three years.

 

 

♫

 

 

"Hi dear, I haven't heard from you in a few days. Did you get the package I sent?"

Yixing nods to himself, shifting his phone to his other hand so he can fish his keys from his pocket. "Yeah, Mom, I did," he says. He locks the door to his room behind him and heads out of the dorm. "You know you don't have to send me so much stuff. I'm doing just fine."

"I know," she says with a slight sigh, "but I still worry."

"I'm fine," Yixing says again. "Really."

"How are your studies going?" she asks and Yixing closes his eyes for a moment before blinking back open.

"Good," he says and hopes she can't hear through the lie. It's not that he's doing terribly, but he doesn't think his mother needs to know right now how low some of his grades are. It'd only make her worry more. Instead he focuses on something else as he heads off to his last class for the day. “How’s dad doing?”

His mother sighs. Yixing can just imagine her wringing her frail hands together, small like his own, in her lap. “Better, of course. There...there hasn’t been any major difficulties, but he’s fatigued a lot. It’s been hard for him, being at the restaurant.”

Yixing swallows thickly and nods, even though his mother can’t see it. “I know. That’s why I’m studying. I’m almost done.”

“About that,” his mother says, “did you give some more thought about coming back home? You know there are plenty of good schools here where you can finish up your degree and--”

“I’m still thinking about it,” Yixing says, clenching his eyes shut tight and nearly tripping over an uneven patch of sidewalk. He keeps his eyes open then, but he’s not really staring at anything anymore.

“We miss you, dear,” his mother says. “We’d love for you to come home.”

“I miss you, too,” Yixing says, and adds before his mother can question him further, “I have to go, I have class. I’ll call later.”

He only feels a little guilty hanging up on her, shoving his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and continuing to his class. It’s hard to focus that afternoon, his mind wandering back to the conversation with his mother.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing sees Chanyeol at the cafe a lot more after that first night. Not only on the weekends to perform, but stopping by during Yixing’s shifts to order a drink and occasionally a treat and then holing up at one of the tables. It’s not unusual in the slightest, because the cafe is always full of college students, studying together or on their own, sometimes staying there well into the night until Minseok has to close.

Chanyeol is usually alone, coming by after his classes are over and occupying a table by the window. He pulls his cap low over his head and sometimes tucks headphones into his ears, and Yixing can see his foot tapping against the floor in time to the music as he goes through readings or assignments.

Sometimes, when it’s not too busy, Chanyeol will end up at a counter seat, chatting with Yixing as he cleans up around the back and takes orders for the few people who come in. It’s nice to have a friendly face around, and someone to talk to, and Chanyeol makes it so _easy_.

It’s a rainy afternoon so the cafe is full of students waiting out the storm, practically every table occupied. Despite that, it’s a slow work day, and when Yixing stops by to bring Chanyeol a refill of his latte, he doesn’t hesitate to join him when Chanyeol asks him to sit.

“What’re you working on?” Yixing asks, peering down at the notebooks across the table. He’s surprised to find that they’re actually music sheets, full of scribbled notes and some lyrics, and Yixing reaches out to pull a page closer, quickly glancing up at Chanyeol with a raised brow to make sure it’s okay.

“Go ahead,” Chanyeol says. “I have to write my own song for my composition class. I have a lot of ideas though, so I’m just trying to get some down and organize them.” He laughs and rubs the back of his neck. “That’s why it looks like such a mess.”

Yixing shakes his head. He can already hear the melody in his ears as he scans the pages. “This already sounds good,” he says, handing them back. Chanyeol looks at him with wide, hopeful eyes. “I’m sure the completed version will be great.”

“So much faith,” Chanyeol says, but he looks pleased. “I could...I could play it for you sometime. When I finish. Or even before then, if you--”

“I wouldn’t mind hearing it,” Yixing says, and he wonders where this person came from, who is saying these things, because Yixing is so careful around everyone else like when Lu Han asks him to listen to his piece for his showcase. He’s not sure why he so easily accepted Chanyeol’s offer, but he can’t really take it back now. Not when Chanyeol is grinning widely at him and leaning across the table in excitement.

“Really?” he asks and Yixing stifles a laugh, nods.

“Sure,” he says. “Whenever you want, just let me know.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Chanyeol says, and Yixing lets out a breath when Chanyeol finally leans back. “For some reason, I feel like I play better around you.” He laughs cutely, almost out of embarrassment, and it’s a little surprising to Yixing, because he rarely sees Chanyeol embarrassed about anything.

He shrugs and says, offering Chanyeol a slight smirk to take the edge off what he just admitted, “I usually have that effect on people.”

Chanyeol snorts, crossing his arms over his chest with a slight scoff, but he looks much more relaxed now. He stretches his legs out under the table, bumping against Yixing’s feet before shifting to the side. “When do you get off today, hyung?” Chanyeol asks suddenly.

Yixing blinks, mentally trying to remember his schedule, and replies, “Around five-thirty, I think?”

“Do you want to get dinner with me afterward?”

They’ve eaten meals together a couple of times before, but there’s something so uncertain in the way Chanyeol is staring at him right now, like he’s not really sure and Yixing wonders…

He doesn’t say anything about that though, just nods easily and says, “Sure. That’d be fun. You can tell me more about your song.”

Chanyeol lights up instantly. “Great!” he says and Yixing stands, pushing back his chair and wincing a bit at the way it screeches against the floor.

“I should get back to work for now though,” he says and he pats Chanyeol’s shoulder briefly before he returns behind the counter and tries not to think of how he can feel Chanyeol’s eyes on him all the way.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing returns to his dorm after dinner with Chanyeol with his mind reeling. Chanyeol is so enthusiastic about his music that it’s hard not to get entirely wrapped up in what he’s saying. He’s so much like Yixing used to be, so interested in every new artist he could find, every new technique, every possible cover and style and performance.

“I’ve been playing since I was eleven,” Chanyeol said. “I was very good then, and it was sort of a side hobby, but once I got into high school, it’s practically all I did. I drove my parents crazy with all the music.”

Yixing laughed, remembering similar moments with his own parents; his mother telling him to take a break because his studies were more important. “It was like that for me, too,” he replied, and Chanyeol perked up at his admission because that was the closest Yixing’s really gotten to explaining his musical background.

He must have had some kind of uncertain look on his face after that, because Chanyeol didn’t press him about it, even though it seemed like he wanted to. Instead, he just told Yixing about the first concert he’d ever gone to, how much he wanted to play music for real, get signed to a label and to record his own CDs.

It made Yixing think so much of his own dreams, the ones he’s long since pushed aside, and now as makes it back to his room, he’s full of that itch to play, that itch to write down the songs that continue to spin in his head, put down every thought into lyrics that he can sing to himself, even if no one else ever hears them.

With Jongdae out of the room, Yixing finds it almost easy to open his closet and pull out the guitar he hasn’t touched in years other than to move it further away from view. He sets it down on the bed and snaps open the clasps, pushing open the case to stare down at it. It’s the same as he remembered, a light brown, polished wood, and rustic colored strings. His red pick is stuck between two of them on the second fret.

Yixing isn’t sure how long he stares at it, but eventually he reaches out to run his fingers over the strings, plucking at them easily. The low sound rumbles through the room and he’s smiling widely down at his guitar because this...this suddenly feels so right.

There’s no hesitation to pull it out of the case, to settle down onto his chair at his desk and rest the guitar in his lap. It fits so perfectly in his hands it’s like he never once let go of it. Yixing closes his eyes and doesn’t think, doesn’t let anything stop him from just feeling, from letting the pull of music that he hasn’t been able to ignore for weeks now, to guide him into playing.

It’s not really a song, it’s not really anything, and his guitar is out of tune and whatever he’s playing sounds kind of terrible, but Yixing doesn’t think he’s ever felt so completely at home.

 

 

♫

 

 

It isn’t some life-changing event, picking up the guitar again. Yixing has been careful not to let it cloud his mind, to draw him away from what he’s supposed to be doing. It felt good, to play again, and maybe Baekhyun had been right. There’s no reason he can’t have both.

He plays now only when he knows Jongdae will be out of the room, and he hasn’t mentioned it to anyone. He’s only pulled the guitar out once or twice in the following week, and he plays whatever comes to mind. It isn’t until the third time that he realized he’s been playing the original song Chanyeol played the first time he’d seen him perform.

He’s not surprised really, because that song had somehow embedded itself into Yixing’s brain, and he’s thought about asking Chanyeol if he’d ever recorded it, because he wouldn’t mind having a copy.

When he meets with Chanyeol for their usual tutoring sessions, it’s difficult not to blurt out how he’s started to play again. How, in many ways, it was Chanyeol who pushed him to it, getting him to remember how it felt, how those dreams hadn’t quite ever left him. He doesn’t though, just swallows the urge down and focuses on his assignments because this is what he’s supposed to be doing and he doesn’t want to be a disappointment.

Saturday nights are when Jongdae is usually out with Baekhyun or someone, so Yixing figures it’s the perfect time to play without being disturbed. That weekend though, he’s practically dragged out of the room with Jongdae and Baekhyun to a club, one of them on either side of him, holding tightly to his arms and making it impossible to escape.

“You rarely ever come out with us anymore,” Baekhyun whines. “We’re meeting Lu Han and Kyungsoo, too, so it’s gonna be a good time.”

“Fine, fine,” Yixing says, slumping slightly. He can’t really say no when both of them are staring at him like wounded puppies. “But I don’t want to stay out too late.”

“We’ll see,” Jongdae singsongs and Yixing has a feeling it will be a very long night.

The club is packed when they arrive, the DJ blasting a Katy Perry song loudly and Yixing is pulled straight to a table by the bar that’s already occupied by Lu Han and Kyungsoo and, to Yixing’s surprise, Chanyeol.

Chanyeol looks excited to see him, reaching out to tug him out of Baekhyun and Jongdae’s grasp and into the seat next to him. “I didn’t know you were gonna come,” he says. “This doesn’t really seem like your scene.”

“It’s not,” Yixing says quickly but Lu Han kicks him under the table.

“He lies,” he said. “We used to come all the time our first year, before Yixing got all serious with studying.” He says the word _studying_ like it’s a disease.

Chanyeol looks at Yixing curiously. “Really?”

“Did you know Lu Han gets drunk after one beer?” Yixing says instead, loudly, and everyone at the table laughs when Lu Han leaps across the table in an attempt to strangle Yixing.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Chanyeol asks hopefully and Yixing smiles.

“Surprise me,” he says and Chanyeol grins, jumping to his feet and heading to the bar. Baekhyun and Jongdae follow him, having not gotten drinks yet either, and when Yixing turns back to the other two, both Lu Han and Kyungsoo are looking at him in amusement.

“He likes you,” Kyungsoo says simply before he takes a sip of his drink.

Yixing doesn’t rise to the bait. “We’re friends,” he says and ignores the way Lu Han laughs. The others return soon after that, sparing Yixing from anymore unnecessary prodding, and Chanyeol hands Yixing a drink before settling back into the seat beside him. He scoots his chair over a bit to make room for Baekhyun on his other side, and his thigh presses up against Yixing’s.

Yixing sips his drink and tries not to notice.

It has been a long time since Yixing’s come out with everyone like this, and even if a tiny part of him knows he’ll regret it later when he looks through all the homework he has to do, he has a good time. Chanyeol’s loud laughter fills his ears and with a few drinks in him, he’s got an arm around the back of Yixing’s chair and leaning in closer than usual.

They end up on the dance floor at some point; Yixing’s not even sure how they go from discussing classes and poking fun at Jongdae’s cute crush on Liyin to being squished among the group of people moving to Justin Timberlake’s Suit & Tie, but he’s matching the beat and laughing at Chanyeol’s dismal way of dancing.

“I’m a musician, not a dancer!” Chanyeol says loudly so Yixing can hear him over the music. He pouts at him, awkwardly moving his hips, and Yixing steps a little closer.

“I’d think you’d still be able to match the beat _at least_ ,” Yixing teases and daringly - or maybe it’s just the liquid courage - reaches his hands out to rest lightly on Chanyeol’s hips.

Chanyeol’s eyes widen for a second before he grins, letting himself be pulled in a little more. “Are you gonna teach me how to dance? Really?” he asks, amused.

“I just don’t want to be seen with someone who dances like a newborn giraffe,” Yixing says seriously and Chanyeol laughs and the sound, so close, makes Yixing’s heart rumble.

“Why not help Jongdae then? He seems just as hopeless,” Chanyeol says, but he’s still staring down at Yixing, and his eyes are little dark, intense.

“I’m sure Lu Han’s got him covered,” Yixing says and now they’re practically flush against each other, and Yixing is gently coaxing Chanyeol to match the beat, the sway of his hips. Chanyeol only laughs, breathless, as he tries his best and Yixing is a little caught up in the way he looks so delighted, how the lights from the club make him seem more handsome than usual.

They dance for awhile, Yixing still helping Chanyeol move and laughing at his attempts to match the beat. It’s possibly a hopeless cause but Yixing is enjoying himself, because it has been a long time since he’s been here, doing something like this, but also because of how enthusiastic Chanyeol is, how nice it feels when his hands find Yixing’s shoulders, fingertips pressing against the skin under the slim strap of his tank top.

Yixing only pulls away when it gets to be almost too much, when the way Chanyeol stares down at him like Yixing is something particularly fascinating. Chanyeol follows him to the bar even when Yixing tells him it’s okay to stay, and a hand finds one of Yixing’s, gripping tightly as he uses his height to push through the throng of people. Yixing doesn’t think he’s had enough alcohol to be feeling like he doesn’t want Chanyeol to let go.

Chanyeol orders them beers and they settle onto stools at the counter, Yixing leaning back against it as he stares over the dance floor. Kyungsoo has found a pretty girl to dance with, and Lu Han is trying to pick a rather drunk Jongdae off the floor. Baekhyun seems to have disappeared, but Yixing’s sure he’ll show up when they’re ready to leave with messy hair and swollen lips.

“Is this really your first time out here in three years?” Chanyeol asks, raising a brow at Yixing as he takes a swig from his bottle, full lips stretched around the neck and Yixing is definitely not drunk enough for this.

He nods, downing a few gulps of his own drink. “It’s not that I don’t like coming out,” Yixing says. “I just need to focus on schoolwork. I can get distracted easily.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Chanyeol says. “It’s probably a good thing you’re not like Jongdae or Baekhyun.”

“One of each is enough for the world,” Yixing says and Chanyeol laughs.

Sometime later, Yixing is practically dead on his feet and he has strong arms wrapped around his waist on either side of him. The cool, night air is like a smack to the face and Yixing’s pretty sure he brought a sweatshirt with him but he’s not sure where it is now.

“God, Yixing, I forgot how much of a lightweight you are,” Lu Han is groaning into his right ear. On his left, low, familiar laughter makes him feel suddenly warm.

“Let’s get you home,” Chanyeol says, and his fingers on Yixing’s waist press in a little harder as he pulls Yixing closer to his side. “I’ve got him, hyung.”

Lu Han looks relieved, slipping away to help drag Baekhyun out of the club. Yixing blinks up at Chanyeol, who is staring at him with a soft expression on his face that Yixing can’t quite understand, not when his mind is so fuzzy and the ground seems to be moving.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks and Yixing nods, sighing a little as he leans against Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“I’m usually not this bad--” Yixing starts but is cut off by Kyungsoo’s snort.

“Liar,” he says, reaching out to swipe his fingers across the back of Yixing’s neck and Yixing squeals, flailing so suddenly he almost sends himself and Chanyeol onto the ground. “Ah, how I have missed that.”

Yixing aims a terrible kick at Kyungsoo’s legs and misses by quite a lot, which only has Chanyeol laughing again and Kyungsoo giving him a smirk before he starts to lead everyone back toward campus. Yixing lets Chanyeol pull him along, shuddering when he feels warm breath against his neck.

“That was an interesting reaction,” he says, and when Yixing glances at him, Chanyeol is staring more at the slope of his neck than anything else. “Sensitive?”

“Maybe a little,” Yixing says and Chanyeol flicks his gaze up to meet his eyes and even though it’s freezing out, the longer Yixing stares at Chanyeol, the more it’s like he’s back on the dance floor, burning from the inside out.

And Yixing might be smashed, but he’s not so lost to notice the way Chanyeol’s eyes drop to his mouth when Yixing licks his lips, or the way Chanyeol holds him carefully as they return to the dorms, like he’s afraid of letting Yixing get too far, and not just because Yixing would probably fall to the ground without someone to help him up.

Yixing wonders vaguely that night after he’s made it into bed and can still feel the phantom touch of Chanyeol’s hands on him, and the way Chanyeol had whispered goodnight, that maybe...maybe what Kyungsoo said is more accurate than he’d realized.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing doesn’t see Chanyeol until the following Sunday, when he comes by the cafe with recordings on his phone of the piece he’s writing for his class. He takes over a table by the window for himself and scatters papers across the surface, making just enough room for his cup of coffee and the giant chocolate chip cookie Yixing gave him when Minseok wasn’t looking. He makes Yixing listen whenever there’s a lull in the day, sticking each end of the earbuds into Yixing’s ears and staring at his face with almost baited breath, like Yixing’s opinion is more important than anything else.

Yixing smiles at him afterward, returning the headphones, and says, “I like the sound of it. You play really well.”

“But is the song _okay_?” Chanyeol presses and Yixing hesitates for a second before he’s pulling the sheets of music on the table to find a specific spot he’d heard.

He points at the page and says, “I’d take this bit out; it was a little flat. The flow was really good before then, but this part just kills it.”

Chanyeol stares at the page and then looks at Yixing for a moment before he grins. “You really are full of surprises,” he says and Yixing knows what he means, that this shows more than a passing knowledge of guitar and of music, but Yixing can’t find it in him to care as much anymore. Like maybe he doesn’t mind, if Chanyeol knows.

He just shrugs at Chanyeol and pats his shoulder in good luck and leaves him to it, and the rest of the afternoon is spent with his mind replaying Chanyeol’s unfinished song over and over.

It’s not unexpected then, that Yixing returns to his room after his shift and is thankful to find Jongdae out. He pulls his guitar from the closet, but also retrieves the leather-bound notebook with his lyrics, his compositions, years of scattered thoughts and deep emotions scribbled across the pages and he thinks that maybe, it’s time to write something new.

 

 

♫

 

 

Chanyeol comes by the cafe a lot more on the weekends when there’s open mic and always when Yixing is on shift. Yixing doesn’t mind it though, especially when he can get to see Chanyeol perform, filling the shop with his low voice and the gentle hum of guitar. One Saturday night, he comes in with someone else, laughing at his friend with his guitar slung over his shoulder as usual. His friend is tall, taller even than Chanyeol which is a surprise, and he looks a little stern but the second he smiles when Chanyeol introduces him, he looks a lot younger. Familiar, too. Yixing tilts his head and says, “Have we met before? Maybe had a class together?”

Chanyeol’s friend, Yifan, laughs and nods his head. “Actually yes,” he says. “We had that required art class your first year, with Professor Lee.”

Yixing gasps and points at him. “Ah! You’re the one who painted that dinosaur that everyone though looked like a turtle!”

“That was a rhino!”

Yixing laughs at the offended look on Yifan’s face, quickly hiding his mouth behind a hand. Yifan’s eyes widen for a second, like he’s noticing something for the first time as he looks at him, and then his expression softens and Yixing smiles, wide, lowers his hand. Yixing teases, "I hope your art is more discernable now."

Yifan narrows his eyes for a second but then laughs good-naturedly. “What about you? Weren’t you thinking about minoring in art back then? I haven’t seen you in any other classes since.”

Yixing catches the way Chanyeol turns to him quickly in surprise, the way Chanyeol’s been quiet this whole time with a slight frown on his face. Yixing’s not sure what’s wrong, but he looks at Yifan as he replies with a slight shrug. “Things happened. I’m in business now.”

“That’s a shame,” Yifan says, shaking his head. “You were really good. Not better than me, of course.”

“Not many can reach your level of artistic expression, that’s for sure.”

Yifan laughs, reaches out to lightly punch Yixing’s shoulder. Yixing grins and offers to get them each something to drink. Yifan easily settles onto a seat and orders an Americano while Chanyeol just asks for that interesting drink Yixing had made for him the other day. They chat quietly amongst themselves as Yixing fills their orders, but he can’t help notice the way Chanyeol’s smile isn’t as bright as when he’d walked in the door.

“Are you here to watch him play?” Yixing asks when he hands Yifan his cup.

Yifan grins. “Actually, I’m performing with him.”

Yixing glances at Chanyeol, eyebrows rising. “Really?”

“Yeah, we’re performing Dynamic Duo’s Guilty,” Chanyeol says, finally looking a little excited. “Kyungsoo’s supposed to join us, too, and he’s gonna be late if he’s not here soon.”

“Sounds like an interesting collaboration,” Yixing says. “I already know Chanyeol is good, but now I’m curious about you.”

“I’m brilliant, honestly,” Yifan says, overflowing with confidence in a way that makes Yixing laugh, amused but also a little intrigued. “I’m better than him. You’ll see.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol whines, swatting Yifan in the arm.

“Well, he is a talented guy,” Yixing says, “but I think you could beat him.”

He means it as a joke, but there’s no mistaking the slightly wounded look on Chanyeol’s face. It’s gone in the next second though, replaced by another not-quite-bright smile, and then Chanyeol is standing. “I’m gonna go set up,” he says, and he doesn’t look at Yixing as he leaves nor acknowledges Yixing’s good luck. Yixing frowns after him, but Yifan is quickly asking him which one of the muffins on display is the best and Yixing pushes aside Chanyeol’s odd behavior to chat with Yifan until he has to perform.

Their set is good, really good. And even with three people on the stage instead of Chanyeol’s usual one, Yixing finds he can’t really tear his eyes away from Chanyeol at all. It’s the first time he’s seen him perform with anyone else and he’s just as good as always, rapping with ease and harmonizing with Kyungsoo like it’s second nature.

Yixing is clearing off a table when they come down after their set to loud applause. Kyungsoo pokes Yixing’s waist as he passes him and sinks down into one of the chairs at the table and Yixing laughs, lightly kicks his foot with his shoe. Chanyeol and Yifan join Kyungsoo a few seconds later, and Chanyeol is grinning the way Yixing likes to see, any earlier unhappiness clearly lost after the excitement of performing.

“What’d you think?” Yifan asks.

Yixing straightens up, holding a few mugs in his arms carefully. “You were really good,” he says, looking to Chanyeol as he says it, and Chanyeol rewards him with a small smile.

“Of course we were,” Kyungsoo says and Yixing laughs at way Kyungsoo scowls when Chanyeol throws an arm around Kyungsoo and ruffles his hair with his free hand.

“When are you done with your shift?” Yifan asks Yixing. “You should come join us.”

He looks hopeful; Kyungsoo has somehow shoved Chanyeol onto the floor, halfway under the table, and Chanyeol’s jaw is set tight, glancing up at Yifan and then Yixing before he drags himself back into his seat.

“I’ve still got two hours to go,” Yixing says, smiling apologetically. “I’ll come get your orders in a sec, okay?”

He’s not supposed to use his phone while working, but the unhappy look on Chanyeol’s face has him pulling it from his pocket after he’s returned the dirty dishes to the sink to send him just one quick text.

_Just so you know, I think you’re definitely better than Yifan. ^_^_

He tucks his phone away before Minseok notices and walks back up to the front, and the wide grin on Chanyeol’s face as he stares at his phone makes Yixing’s heart skip a beat.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing is staring at his International Finance homework and not particularly understanding much of anything, when Chanyeol, who had joined him in the cafeteria after his class with a plate stacked full of food, suddenly says, "Yifan asked me if I could give him your number."

Yixing blinks at his text and then looks up at Chanyeol. "Oh," he says, "did you? I don't mind."

"I said I'd ask if it was okay first," Chanyeol says. "Or that he could, you know, just ask you himself."

Yixing grins. "He can be a little shy like that."

"I didn't know you guys were friends," Chanyeol says, poking around his rice with his chopsticks.

"We're not really," Yixing says with a shrug. "He doesn't even have my number."

Chanyeol doesn't smile. "I didn't even know you were thinking of pursuing art at all." He looks at Yixing like he's never seen him before. "I guess there's a lot I don't know about you. Even though we spend a lot of time together."

"That's not true," Yixing says, feeling a little restless at the way Chanyeol isn't quite meeting his eyes. "You know my favorite drink at the café is an ice-blended mocha and caramel syrup and lots of whipped cream.” He grins. “You know that I'm a business major."

Chanyeol snorts. "I think most people know those things," he says. "I want to know more."

Yixing tilts his head slightly and considers him. Chanyeol is nothing but earnest, staring now at Yixing with puppy-like expectance, as if Yixing is holding a treat in his hands and waiting for Chanyeol to sit still long enough before he gives it to him. It makes Yixing smile a little, because Chanyeol is really cute, and his eagerness to know...it's nice. Yixing might not be entirely forthcoming about himself in the way Chanyeol or Baekhyun are, but he knows he doesn't mind, telling Chanyeol more. He's just never thought about it like this, never realized it bothered Chanyeol at all.

He looks down at his notes, at the scribbled lyrics he'd jammed into the margins when his mind had wandered. He taps the end of his pen against the pages and says as lightly as he can, "I started playing again. Guitar."

When he glances back at Chanyeol, he's positively excited. "Really?" he says, leaning forward across the table and nearly getting ketchup on his shirt. "You never mentioned...but it's been awhile since you've played, right?"

"A few years," Yixing says with a nod. He's not sure he's ready to talk about all of that yet, but thankfully Chanyeol doesn't seem particularly interested in the past. At least not at the moment.

"Can I hear you play?" he asks, and it sounds more like a demand so Yixing laughs.

"Maybe," he sings, even though the answer is _yes_. He hasn't played for anyone in a long time, but he thinks, if he did again, he would want Chanyeol to be first to hear.

“Come on, you’ve heard me play so many times already,” Chanyeol says, leaning back into his seat and pouting.

“You do that all on your own, you know,” Yixing teases. “I haven’t really asked you to play for me.”

Chanyeol opens his mouth to retort but then seems to realize he has nothing to counter Yixing’s statement and laughs. “I guess you have a point there,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I will play for you,” Yixing says.

“Really? That easily?”

“Because you asked so nicely,” Yixing laughs and Chanyeol grins at him. “Just...not yet. I’m still working on it.”

“As long as you do someday,” Chanyeol says, “I don’t care how long I have to wait.”

That makes Yixing’s heart stutter a bit in his chest, the genuine look on Chanyeol’s face making it hard not to believe him entirely. He lets out a shaky, nervous breath and smiles at Chanyeol. “Don’t worry,” he says, flipping to a clean page in his notebook. “I won’t make you wait that long.”

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing calls home at least once a week if he can. His mother likes to know what he’s up to, how his studies are going, likes to make sure he’s taking care of himself even after living here for nearly four years on his own. Despite everything, the pressure and the expectations, Yixing does miss home and the familiar sound of his mother’s voice is enough to relax him when things get too heavy.

Lately it hasn’t been so bad. Maybe it’s because Yixing has finally given into an urge that’s been plaguing him for years, maybe it’s because of a certain person in his life recently, who makes Yixing think about dreams he once had and how they aren’t as forgotten as he might have liked. Talking to his mother on the phone these days feels like he’s lying more than before. He doesn’t tell her about picking the guitar up again because he knows what she will say. He knows that she wouldn’t want anything to distract him now, when he’s so close. He knows she will tell his father, and that’s the last thing Yixing wants.

It’s easier with his grandparents though, because Yixing has never had to pretend with them. His grandmother writes him letters sometimes, asks him to send her new music he’s written and gets sad over the phone later when he tells her he’s only halfway through something new and it’s been a long time since he’s written anything that it’s not so easy anymore.

“You used to write so much,” she says. “Don’t let go of that, Yixing.”

Yixing looks at his guitar through the open door of his closet and thinks of all the lyrics and songs he has kept in his notebook and how much time he used to spend slaving over the perfect sound, the right word to express his feelings. He sighs, smiling down at his lap. “I’ll try not to,” he tells her, even though he’s not sure that’s a promise he can keep. It’s been easier now, sure, but Yixing thinks reality will catch up to him in the form of exams and graduation and returning home to help his father.

“Just do what makes you happy,” his grandfather tells him after his grandmother bids him goodbye.

The problem is that Yixing isn’t entirely sure what that is anymore.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing doesn’t really plan a time to play something for Chanyeol, but when Chanyeol shows up at his dorm after his last class that next Thursday and catches Yixing in the middle of practicing, Yixing figures it might not be such a bad time.

Chanyeol is more excited than Yixing has possibly ever seen him before. He immediately picks up Yixing’s guitar that he left on his bed to answer the door and is already strumming the strings by the time Yixing has settled into his chair at his desk. “It still has great sound for not being played in years,” Chanyeol says.

“I did spend quite awhile tuning it that first time,” Yixing admits.

“Have you been playing a lot?”

Yixing shakes his head. Chanyeol starts playing AKMU’s Melted as he watches Yixing with wide eyes. “Just occasionally, when I really need a break. I don’t have the time to devote to it as much as I, well.” He clears his throat. “It’s been nice, though. Playing again.”

“Of course,” Chanyeol says. “Music is the best. Everyone needs music in their life.”

Yixing laughs. “It doesn’t surprise me at all you think that way.”

“You make it sound like it’s something bad.” The music gets a little louder, like Chanyeol is refuting Yixing’s words with his playing. The song fills Yixing’s room up nicely and the lyrics are on the tip of his tongue but he swallows them down quickly.

“It’s not,” Yixing insists. He leans back in his chair, pressing all his weight against the back so he tilts onto the back legs. “You’re just all music, all the time,” he says, waving a hand up and down the length of Chanyeol’s body. “It makes sense you’d think music was some huge necessity to live.”

“Don’t you think so?” Chanyeol says. “I don’t mean everyone needs to play an instrument, but listening to music, any kind of music, isn’t that important? Life would be so quiet without it.”

That...that Yixing can understand. He remembers how quiet his life has felt these past two years, despite being around people who are loud and exciting, despite living in a busy city like Seoul with its bustling streets and crowded shops. His life has been much noisier these days, he thinks, as he stares at Chanyeol contemplatively. Chanyeol isn’t looking at him now, more focused on playing, and Yixing finds himself smiling.

“Do you want to hear me play something?” he asks suddenly and Chanyeol’s playing cuts off abruptly as he looks up in surprise.

“You know the answer to that, hyung,” he says, but he looks incredibly excited, eyes bright beneath black bangs. Yixing laughs and lets his chair fall back onto all four feet before hopping off and joining Chanyeol on the bed.

Chanyeol hands him his guitar and shifts over to make room for Yixing, crossing his long legs in front of him. He stares at Yixing expectantly and Yixing feels both nervous and happy. Chanyeol’s eagerness is adorable and Yixing, Yixing has been thinking about playing for Chanyeol ever since he’d asked, almost two weeks ago. Though truthfully, Yixing’s thought about it ever since he picked the guitar up again, ever since Chanyeol had reminded him how much he loved it, how much he missed it, the noise in his life.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re making me nervous,” Yixing chides, poking Chanyeol’s knee with his toe.

Chanyeol’s face falls and he raises his hands in front of him. “I’m sorry!” he exclaims. “You don’t have to play if you don’t want to--”

“I offered, didn’t I?” Yixing says. The guitar feels comfortable in his hands and the butterflies in his stomach bring him back to how nervous he’d been when he’d played for his girlfriend in high school, of the rush he’d felt after performing solo at a school event for the first time.

Chanyeol pats Yixing’s thigh then, and the warmth of his touch, the encouraging smile he gives Yixing, is all Yixing needs to take a deep breath and play. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see the way Chanyeol is watching him so closely, even though he can feel the weight of his gaze on him anyway. It’s not distracting, but rather comforting, and Yixing plays through a few lines of his favorite JJ Lin song before he dares to look.

There’s something there, in the way Chanyeol is staring at him, his mouth parted slightly and Yixing falters just a bit in the following notes. He laughs, thinking about stopping, but Chanyeol quickly shakes his head and breathes, “Keep going.”

Yixing licks his lips and doesn’t miss the way Chanyeol watches as he does before quickly dropping his gaze back to the guitar in Yixing’s lap. He starts playing again and halfway through the second verse he can’t help but open his mouth and softly sing. Chanyeol’s eyes widen at that, surprise clear on face as Yixing sings, but it’s not long before his gaze relaxes and he’s looking more at Yixing in wonder than anything else. Yixing’s not sure what to make of that look, so he focus on the music and plays through the whole song, smiling when Chanyeol starts humming along under his breath.

The stark silence that follows his performance rings in Yixing’s ears and he grips tightly around the neck of his guitar, waiting for some kind of reaction from Chanyeol.

What he doesn’t expect is Chanyeol suddenly leaning forward and catching Yixing’s lips with his. The guitar makes a loud thumping noise where it slips down into Yixing’s knee but Yixing barely registers it, thinks he might not care much if his guitar fell onto the floor because Chanyeol’s mouth is warm and slick on his and a hand is reaching up around his neck, rough, calloused fingers brushing against sensitive skin.

Just as Yixing relaxes into it, lets himself enjoy the way Chanyeol feels against his lips, so close, so close, and almost not close enough, Chanyeol is pulling away quickly, so fast that he narrowly misses banging his head onto the frame of Jongdae’s bed above Yixing’s.

“I-I’m sorry, I--” he stammers, scrambling out of bed, and Yixing feels his stomach drop to his knees. Chanyeol is at the door by the time Yixing makes it out of bed, carefully setting his guitar aside before he rushes after him because Yixing doesn’t want Chanyeol to be sorry, not for this.

He catches Chanyeol’s wrist just as he’s halfway out of the room and yanks him forcefully back in and Chanyeol’s is staring at him the way he gets when Kyungsoo threatens to hurt him, but Yixing doesn’t want that, either. “I don’t mind,” he says, pushing Chanyeol against his door, letting the weight of him shut the door behind him. “I don’t mind, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol seems a little hesitant so this time Yixing kisses him, leaning up just enough to bridge the gap and pressing their mouths together. The relieved sigh Chanyeol lets out against his lips has Yixing grinning, but not as much as when Chanyeol pulls back just enough to say, “Good, because I’ve wanted to do that for awhile.”

 

 

♫

 

 

“Okay, so Chanyeol is here way more than usual and I don’t know if you’re trying to be discreet or not, but there’s no way you can hide how he was slipping his fingers under your shirt just now,” Jongdae says, swiveling around in his chair at his desk to stare at Yixing with hard eyes.

Yixing stares right back. He’s lying in his bed, his accounting book spread open on his lap and a giant Chanyeol-shaped space next to him. Chanyeol had left to make it to his last class for the day, but had been with Yixing when Jongdae had come back from his class, stopping in the doorway for a second to blink at the way they were curled in together on Yixing’s bed. “Oh,” Yixing says. “That.”

Jongdae snorts. “Yeah. _That_.” He points a pen at Yixing’s face. “Explain.”

It’s only been two days since they kissed and Yixing’s never been the kind of person to loudly announce when he’s dating or sort-of-maybe-dating someone, especially when the opportunity doesn’t present itself. Chanyeol, on the other hand, is definitely the kind of person who likes to show off relationships, but if Jongdae doesn’t know, then maybe he’s been keeping everything secret, too. Yixing will have to ask him about that, but he’s sure Chanyeol wouldn’t mind if he told Jongdae the truth.

“Well, he kissed me,” Yixing says and Jongdae drops the pen in his hand. It clatters on the floor and rolls a few inches toward their closet. “And then I kissed him back?” He grins. “And now I guess he’s putting his hands up my shirt.”

Jongdae makes the most disgusted face Yixing has probably ever seen and he barks out a laugh, amused. “Do you have to say it like that?” he says. “Can’t you just say, _oh we’re dating_ , like a normal person?”

“Oh we’re dating,” Yixing repeats, deadpan. He shakes his head. “Nope, not quite as fun.”

“You’re hilarious,” Jongdae says with a roll of his eyes. “I can’t really say I’m surprised, though.”

“That obvious?”

“Not you, really. Chanyeol? Yeah, he’s about as discreet as an elephant,” Jongdae laughs. “But it’s kind of cute. And I don’t know, somehow the two of you work together.”

“Aw, Jongdae, are you giving me your blessing?” Yixing teases and laughs loudly when Jongdae reaches behind him to grab another pen and throw it at him. Yixing catches it with ease and twirls it around his fingers. He glances down at his notes, smiling at the doodles Chanyeol had scribbled into the corners, the precision of his writing as he made a few notes to help Yixing out with his studies. He still has the soft sound of Chanyeol’s voice in his head singing a few lines of a song he’s been writing that he’d sung for Yixing before Jongdae returned to the room. It makes him itch to pull out his guitar and match the beat.

“I like him a lot,” Yixing says quietly and Jongdae gives him a look that’s somewhere between disgusted and fond. “He inspires me.”

 

 

♫

 

 

“You have a nice voice,” Chanyeol says. It’s a Sunday afternoon and Yixing has stopped by Chanyeol’s dorm to study, though they’ve mostly ended up lounging in his bed and ignoring all their work instead. Chanyeol plays through Cotton Factory’s Habit, and Yixing sings quietly under his breath, feeling quite at peace as he stares at the Digimon poster Chanyeol’s roommate has up by his bed. “It’s sweet, soothing.”

“Not like yours,” Yixing counters because he thinks Chanyeol’s voice, deep and smooth, is the sort of thing he wants to wake up to every morning. The sort of thing he’d want to hear just before he goes to bed.

“Yes, well, that’s a given,” Chanyeol replies cockily and Yixing laughs, reaching out to weakly pinch Chanyeol’s side. Chanyeol just grins wider and picks up playing another song. “Sing for me,” he says, unabashedly, even bats his eyelashes at Yixing in an attempt to be cute but it just makes Yixing laugh again.

“Okay,” he says, though he’s not sure why he’s so quickly giving in, not when it’s been ages since he’s let anyone hear him sing, let anyone get this close. As he looks at Chanyeol though, he realizes he makes it easy to do so, to let down his defenses and the walls he’s built up about music and just let himself go. Chanyeol doesn’t judge him for it, doesn’t press him for the details, and instead enjoys being able to share music with him in every possible way.

It’s been around a week now, and they haven’t really put a label to what they are. Yixing doesn’t care about those things, really. He just likes knowing he can reach for Chanyeol’s hand whenever he wants and feel the rough calluses under his fingertips. He likes that Chanyeol will wrap his arms around him almost possessively for a few moments when they see each other, and the way he doesn’t mind when Yixing pulls him down into a kiss so he never has to lean up. As the days go on, Yixing thinks Jongdae was right. They do fit together well.

It’s surprising to Yixing because Chanyeol isn’t usually the type Yixing falls for, but there’s something there, in his eagerness and his adorable smiles and the way that he makes Yixing want to try things, break down his own walls to reach out and do something he thought he wouldn’t ever do again. Chanyeol is noisy and overly confident but Yixing thinks he likes that just as much as he likes everything else about him. The way his hand fits in Yixing’s, the way he takes up so much space but tries to curl up smaller against Yixing’s chest. The way he asks for Yixing’s opinion like Yixing’s word is more important than anything else.

“What are you thinking about?” Chanyeol asks, suddenly cutting through Yixing’s thoughts and it’s only then that he realizes he’s stopped singing, lost in his own mind.

Yixing blinks a few times and turns to him. Chanyeol looks amused. He’s stopped playing, instead just lightly tapping his fingers against the polished wood. “You,” Yixing says seriously and grins at Chanyeol’s bark of laughter. “What else?”

“I knew I liked you for a reason,” Chanyeol says, leaning over to press a wet kiss to Yixing’s cheek. He hands the guitar over and says, “Your turn.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be studying?” Yixing says, but he takes the guitar anyway. It feels different than his own but he manages to settle it comfortably in his lap.

“We are,” Chanyeol says with a nod. “I’m studying how you play.”

“Oh, really,” Yixing says.

“Yup. It’s important. I have to study how nice you sound when you sing, too. How good you look when you play.”

Yixing snorts, letting his fingers slowly come to a rest. “Flattery won’t get you an A.”

Chanyeol leers at him, leaning toward him with mischievous eyes. “How about a kiss?” he asks.

“How about you two stop being so disgustingly cute?” says Jongin, out of nowhere, startling both of them.

Yixing glances at the door where Jongin is standing, backpack partially slung over his shoulders and an amused look on his face. Yixing didn’t even hear the door open. He laughs, rubs the back of his neck and says, “Hey Jongin. How was your study session?”

“You’re back earlier than I thought you’d be,” Chanyeol says, sounding more like an accusation. He’s glaring at Jongin a little through narrowed eyes, clearly annoyed at being interrupted. Yixing pats his knee.

“Yeah we finished everything up so,” Jongin says, tossing his bag by his desk. “Here I am.” He grins at them and Chanyeol lets out a deep sigh, hanging his head. “Well, if I’d known you two were being terribly gross, I would have gone to Sehun’s room instead.”

“It’s okay,” Yixing says, “It’s your room, Jongin. We were just playing some music.”

“Suuure,” Jongin says, smirking when Yixing pouts at him. He laughs as he pulls out his chair and settles down at his desk, opening up his MacBook. “I’m only kidding. It’s nice that you guys are like, actually together now. Especially after I had to listen to Chanyeol-hyung whine about you for over a month.”

Next to him, Chanyeol goes very still and Yixing glances at him, a little delighted to see the flush creeping up his neck. “Oh? Do tell,” Yixing says, leaning toward Jongin with interest.

“Are you hungry? I’m hungry!” Chanyeol exclaims loudly. “Lets get some food, hyung.”

Yixing laughs, tugging Chanyeol back down when he tries to scramble out of bed. “We just ate,” he says as Chanyeol groans and flops back into bed, curling himself into Yixing’s side like a large puppy. “And I definitely want to hear what Jongin has to say.”

“I don’t think I like you anymore,” Chanyeol mumbles into Yixing’s neck. Yixing shivers from the heat of his breath but smiles down at him.

“I think you like me a lot,” he teases and when Chanyeol glances up at him for a moment before swiftly leaning up to kiss him, Jongin groans from the other side of the room.

“Shut up, Jongin,” Chanyeol says against Yixing’s mouth, grinning as he swallows up Yixing’s laughter.

 

 

♫

 

 

“I heard from a little puppy that he saw you playing the guitar,” Lu Han says the following evening as they get dinner at a samgyeopsal restaurant near the university.

“By puppy do you mean Jongin?” Yixing laughs. “Way to be discreet Lu Han.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lu Han says, frowning at him. “I had to hear from your boyfriend’s roommate--”

“You say that like Jongin isn’t your friend, too.”

“--that you’ve picked up guitar again? When did that even happen?”

Yixing shrugs, staring down at the table as he picks up a piece of meat to wrap it in lettuce. “It hasn’t been that long, really. I don’t know how to explain it either. It just sort of...happened.”

“I think you mean _Chanyeol_ happened,” Lu Han says knowingly. He smirks at Yixing before popping some meat into his mouth, which only lessens the effect and Yixing shakes his head. “You know it’s true.”

Well, yes, he does, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to give Lu Han all the details. At least not yet. “He’s just sort of made me realize how much I miss it,” he says. “It’s hard to be around him and not constantly think of music the way he does, you know? In some ways, I used to be a lot like that.”

“I remember,” Lu Han says. “It’s all you talked about when we first met. You’d practically never stopped singing under your breath or coming up with new songs to write.” He smiles wistfully at Yixing. “It was strange seeing that all change so suddenly halfway through the year.”

Yixing isn’t really sure what to say to that so he keeps quiet, taking a few pieces of kimchi to place on the grill. He’s glad when Lu Han doesn’t press him about it, switching the conversation to whine about how Minseok doesn’t seem to appreciate Lu Han’s flirting.

“That’s because you don’t flirt, you latch yourself onto people like a leech,” Yixing says and gets a shriek of protest from Lu Han which has him laughing loudly.

“I’m glad though,” Lu Han says later when they’re heading back to campus. “You seem happier these days, you know? If that’s because of playing again, or Chanyeol, or both...well, it’s good to see.”

“I feel happy,” Yixing admits, grabbing Lu Han’s arm to cling to as they walk, and it’s true. Things aren’t exactly the same as they’d once been before but lately, he feels so much lighter. Playing again is like coming home and Chanyeol...being with Chanyeol is so simple and easy, Yixing doesn’t have to worry about anything.

“Good,” Lu Han says with a grin. “But next time don’t keep these things from me. I thought I was your best friend.” He pouts. “You can’t replace me with that giant ostrich now.”

Yixing laughs and promises.

 

 

♫

 

 

Chanyeol presses Yixing up against the door in the back room and grins as Yixing tugs him close by the belt loops of his jeans. Yixing likes the way that Chanyeol leans down to kiss him, and he slides a hand into Chanyeol’s hair even though he knows Chanyeol will whine about it later, especially considering he styles it even more when he’s performing. He should probably be out there right now instead of having pulled Yixing to the cafe’s break room when Minseok told Yixing he could take his break.

He can hear singing a cover of Let it Go just barely and it would probably be a little funny if Chanyeol wasn’t so desperately demanding his attention by nipping lightly at his lower lip. They haven’t had too much time to spend together lately as Yixing realizes he gets very little work done when they’re together and no matter how much he would rather spend his evenings with Chanyeol, he needs to keep his grades from slipping. His recent conversation with his mother hadn’t gone so well and even though he hasn’t sunk so low as he did his first year, he knows he can’t let things get in the way.

But this, this is nice, right now. Even if it’s only for a little while, being able to feel Chanyeol pressed against him, large hands gripping his waist and smooth lips finding his again and again, it’s ridiculous, how much Yixing can miss it.

“You should perform with me sometime,” Chanyeol says against his mouth when they pull apart to breathe.

Yixing feels anxious just thinking about it. He smiles at Chanyeol though and gently flattens down his hair where his fingers had mused it up. “Maybe,” he says because it’s better than saying no directly.

Chanyeol smiles shrewdly. “You’re better than you think you are, hyung,” he says. “You might not have played in a long time, but you haven’t forgotten. I can tell. When you watch me play on stage, you always look like you wish you were up there, too.”

“Chanyeol--”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol says, shaking his head. “I just think it would be fun, is all. We could write a song together and everything.”

“We can do that regardless,” Yixing says because that doesn’t sound as terrifying as performing in front of anyone that isn’t Chanyeol. “Your lyrics could use some major work.”

“Hey!” Chanyeol exclaims, clearly offended, and Yixing grins at him, gives him a quick kiss to make up for it. Chanyeol melts practically instantly; Yixing has discovered how easily he responds to physical attention, and it’s so cute that Yixing can’t help but use it to his advantage.

“Come on, we should get back out there or you’ll miss your slot,” Yixing says, patting Chanyeol’s butt twice before reaching for the doorknob behind him.

Chanyeol grabs his guitar from where he’d set it by the door and slings an arm around Yixing’s shoulders. “Hey,” he says, “at least think about it?”

He doesn’t need to elaborate; Yixing knows. He nods once and flashes Chanyeol a smile. “Good luck,” he tells him and jabs his fist lightly into Chanyeol’s side.

Chanyeol pretends to crumple for a second before he catches Yixing in a swift kiss and then he’s heading off toward the corner with the stage. Yixing returns behind the counter and Minseok has an amused look on his face.

“Don’t say anything,” Yixing says, pointing a finger at him, and Minseok just laughs, pats Yixing’s shoulder.

“You’re two are so cute,” Minseok says and even as Yixing threatens to throw one of their pastries at him, Minseok’s words makes him feel inexplicably happy.

 

 

♫

 

 

After Chanyeol’s suggestion to perform together, the idea doesn’t manage to leave Yixing’s mind. He tries his best not to focus too much on it, but when Chanyeol shows up at his room with his guitar and pages of music paper and an excited smile on his face, Yixing finds it so difficult to say no. When he’s not studying, they spend so much time together writing their own songs, spreading out pages across the floor and driving Jongdae crazy every time he comes back to the room and finds he can barely step anywhere without crunching paper under his feet.

They fill up the room with Chanyeol’s low voice, singing lines that Yixing has scribbled down on pages in between his notes. Yixing plays the guitar as Chanyeol leans his head against his shoulder and sings so close that every puff of breath tickles Yixing’s shoulder. Sometimes he pulls Yixing to sit between his legs, rubs his nose against the back of Yixing’s neck just to hear Yixing squeal before he whispers, “Wait, I have an idea, try it this way,” and he plays a few lines with his arms wrapped around Yixing’s and it’s not exactly comfortable but Yixing feels so warm.

“I just want to be famous one day,” Chanyeol says. He usually brings it up when Yixing makes them study and Chanyeol keeps drumming his fingers across his books. “You know, I always sort of hope I’ll get like scouted or something while I’m doing one of my shows but.”

“It’ll happen,” Yixing says, patting his knee. “I know it will. I can already see it.”

“You’re just saying that,” Chanyeol says and Yixing laughs, slides his hand up Chanyeol’s thigh.

Yixing shakes his head, pushing their books away and over to the side so he can climb up onto Chanyeol’s lap. “I mean it,” he says. “You’re really good, Chanyeol. You want it so much, so I know it’s going to happen someday.”

Chanyeol seems to not know what to say to that because he just leans forward a bit to reply with a kiss instead. Yixing grins against his lips, enjoying the way Chanyeol wraps his arms around his waist and makes a tiny whimpering sound when Yixing deepens the kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth.

“I had those same dreams as you, before,” Yixing says when they part sometime later. He’s a little breathless, a lot happy, and maybe that’s why he finds himself telling Chanyeol these things. “I wanted it, too. To make something of myself with my music. To be famous.”

Chanyeol looks surprised by the admission but then he’s grinning and pulling Yixing into his chest. “We’ll do it together then,” he says brightly. “We’ll become famous together, hyung.”

Yixing chuckles into the crook of his neck. The idea sounds so nice, he thinks, but there’s so much, so much else in the way. He can’t go back to those aimless dreams and hopes not when his family….

Yixing kisses Chanyeol full on the mouth. “Someday,” he says, because even if it doesn’t work out for him, he wants it so much for Chanyeol and that’s all that matters.

 

 

♫

 

 

It becomes some kind of mantra for them after that. _We’ll become famous together one day_. Chanyeol says it all the time. He sends Yixing a clip of a finished song and writes _one step closer to fame!_ in the message and he talks about all the artists he wants to collab with when he’s famous and he has such big dreams that Yixing finds so inspiring it’s almost like he believes him. Believes that maybe one day, the two of them will get the recognition they want. Yixing hasn’t felt that sort of hope in years, not since his grandfather told him so excitedly that Yixing definitely had it in him to make it big. Not since his father fell ill and Yixing’s entire world shifted.

It’s still not the same, though, because there’s this weight on his shoulders that he can’t shake off. When he looks down at his school books and the notes he has to memorize and the way his mother sounds so proud of him on the phone, he can’t...He can’t trade that for dreams he doesn’t know will ever come true.

Even so, it is nice to have Chanyeol around, with his unfaltering optimism and his insistence that someday, someday they will make it big. Chanyeol just makes Yixing want to do his best.

Chanyeol stays late with Yixing at the cafe when Yixing has to close. It’s nice to have someone around to talk to as Yixing wipes down tables and it’s even nicer when Chanyeol presses him up against the counter to kiss him whenever he wants a little more attention. He works on his homework, spread out across the counter, or plays a few songs on his guitar if he has it with him, filling the empty cafe with his loud voice and poking Yixing to sing with him.

Today he’s settled down at the upright piano by the stage, letting his fingers slide a little awkwardly across the smooth keys. He plays old children’s songs like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and grins at Yixing when he laughs.

"You know, I used to play the piano a lot when I was younger," Yixing says. He's cleaning out the display area with the desserts they usually have out. Chanyeol glances at him over his shoulder, brows raised. "It was the first instrument I learned; my grandmother taught me."

"I'm still not that good at it," Chanyeol says. "I picked it up in high school but I've always liked guitar more." He presses all his fingers down on the keys and makes a loud, angry sound. He spins around on the bench and grins at Yixing. "You should teach me!" He pauses, considers and then adds, softer, "Play something for me."

Yixing laughs, tossing his rag to the side and wiping his hands off on the apron around his waist. "All right," he says, "but I'm definitely rusty. I haven't touched a piano even longer than I stopped playing guitar."

"I'm sure you sound amazing anyway," Chanyeol says, always so confident, not just about himself but about Yixing, too, and that never fails to make Yixing feel so good. He scoots over on the bench so Yixing can settle down next to him.

"This is one of my favorites," Yixing says, his fingers trembling just a bit in sudden nervousness as he positions them at the right keys. He plays JJ Lin's Afraid and fumbles a bit at the opening but Chanyeol rests a comforting hand on his knee so Yixing keeps going. He sings, too, the words he has memorized from years ago, and it feels like a breath of fresh air, playing the piano again. He has missed this, too.

Chanyeol claps loudly afterward, like Yixing just performed a Beethoven masterpiece in front of an audience of one hundred instead of in an empty cafe. He slides off the bench and rushes over to the stage and Yixing turns to him with amusement as Chanyeol says into the turned-off mic, "And that was world-famous pianist Zhang Yixing!" before he applauds again.

Yixing feels heat in his cheeks and he shakes his head, laughing. "You are ridiculous," he says.

"Maybe," Chanyeol says with a grin, joining Yixing again and leaning over him. He looks so much taller like this, with Yixing still sitting, and it makes Yixing's stomach swoop nervously when Chanyeol bends enough to press his lips to Yixing's. "But you got to admit, that has a nice ring to it."

Yixing chuckles, reaches out to squeeze Chanyeol's hand. "I think world-famous musician Park Chanyeol sounds better."

Chanyeol frowns at him then, pulling back, away, straightening up to his full height. His brows are furrowed and he looks at Yixing in a way that Yixing most definitely doesn't like. "Why do you always do that?" he asks. "Why do you always turn it back to me? You're just as good as I am. You could be just as famous."

Yixing's gut twists. He hadn't realized that he did that so often, but thinking about it now, it's true. He didn't realize Chanyeol noticed at all, and it's not that Yixing doesn't think that he couldn't...it's just that. Well, his dreams aren't exactly the same anymore. He sighs, looking down at his lap, uncertain about what to say.

"Hyung," Chanyeol says softly and he doesn't sound angry, just a little confused. Disappointed, maybe. Yixing looks back up at him and Chanyeol takes the spot next to him on the bench again. "I've wondered...I think about it a lot, actually. You don't have to answer, if you don't want to, but...why do you insist on taking classes that you don't like? I see how hard you study for accounting and everything but it's so easy to tell that you aren't interested. Why focus on that, instead of something you clearly love?" He is staring at Yixing with so much concern and Yixing, Yixing's stomach is just churning even more and he never thought Chanyeol would ask him about this, at least not so suddenly, not when Yixing hasn't had a chance to prepare.

"Music is what you love, hyung," Chanyeol says after a long moment. He sighs, looking down at his lap now. "I know it is."

"It's not that simple," Yixing says, surprising himself with his quick answer. "There's...there's more at stake than that."

"Than your happiness?" Chanyeol says strongly, and he doesn't understand. It's clear in the confusion written all over his face.

"Who says I'm not happy?" Yixing nudges him and laughs lightly, trying to cut the sudden tension in the air. "I am happy. With you--"

"But hyung," Chanyeol interrupts. He looks a little pleased at Yixing's comment, but clearly it's not what he wants to hear because he adds, "Are you happy with yourself? Because that's what's most important."

Yixing has an answer to that, but he knows that’s also not what Chanyeol wants to hear. Instead he just smiles brightly and leans up to kiss Chanyeol’s cheek. “I am,” he says. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.” That’s true, at least. He stands with a slight jump, and claps his hands together. “Now why don’t you play something while I finish cleaning up?”

Chanyeol looks like he wants to say so much more but after a short pause he laughs. “All right,” he says, turning back to the piano and Yixing lets the clear sound of another rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star fill his mind and push away everything that Chanyeol had brought up.

 

 

♫

 

 

Time passes by faster than Yixing would like. Maybe it's because things feel so much better these days, happier. With Chanyeol, Yixing isn't as bogged down by the expectations and the grey future; Chanyeol makes things fun, makes Yixing open up again like he hasn't in quite some time. These days, when Lu Han insists Yixing go out with him for drinks, Yixing doesn't try to weasel his way out of it. When Jongdae enlists Yixing to play a prank on Kyungsoo, Yixing helps him without question. Chanyeol will drag Yixing to catch a show of a indie band he likes in Hongdae and Yixing doesn’t even think about all the work he has to do and instead lets himself have as much fun as possible.

And it’s not as though Yixing never did these things before, it’s just that he was so much more careful. So focused on studying so he wouldn’t have a repeat of his first year, so he wouldn’t have to hear the disappointment in his father’s voice or remember how frantic his mother sounded when she called him back then, to tell Yixing about his father’s heart attack.

Life is good, now. As good as Yixing can ask of it, anyway, and that’s enough for him. As the term starts to come to an end, Yixing’s grades are much better than they were at the beginning, better than they’ve been in awhile and maybe that’s because of Chanyeol looming over his shoulder pointing out his mistakes and quizzing him on the latest chapter as they spread out at opposite ends of Yixing’s bed, Chanyeol’s long legs twining with his in the middle.

"It's almost summer break," Jongdae says, stretching his arms over his head and dropping them with a sigh. "Can you believe it? Half the year's practically over."

"I don't even want to think about it," Yixing says honestly. It seems too daunting, the future, so close now. Next February, he will graduate and he return home. He will have to push aside everything he has slowly started to rediscover so that he can be there to help his family the way they expect him to, the way he said he would.

Jongdae twists around in his chair to look at him, eyes wide as he seems to realize something. "You're graduating, too, hyung. You're _leaving_."

"Are you gonna miss me, Jongdae?" Yixing asks, grinning.

"I think you'll miss _me_ ," Jongdae declares. "You'll never have such an awesome roommate again."

Yixing laughs. He looks down at his homework but thinking about graduation and the end of the term has made him not want to work on it right now. He needs to clear his head. He pushes his books aside and retrieves his guitar from the closet.

"Do you mind?" Yixing asks Jongdae. He doesn't play that often when Jongdae is in the room still, even though his friends know now, that Yixing has picked it up again. Jongdae had walked in on Yixing playing not too long ago and he'd been so offended Yixing hadn't told him earlier that he practically ignored Yixing for the rest of the night. It didn't work so well, though, when Yixing played one of Jongdae's favorite songs on the guitar and coaxed him into singing and it had been really nice.

"Of course not," Jongdae says and Yixing pokes his cheek in thanks before sliding onto his bed and strumming his guitar once, twice. He adjusts the tuners as Jongdae says, "Are you going back home during break?"

Yixing bites his lower lip. The past few years, he has, but Yixing isn't so sure, this time around. This time he knows what's waiting at home for him, a combination of the past three years but even more overwhelming. It will be his mother insisting Yixing try to transfer over to a school near home, it will be his father taking Yixing to work with him so Yixing can help out and learn. Yixing isn't ready for that yet.

"I don't know," he answers with a slight shrug. "I think I'd rather stay here this time around."

"Because of Chanyeol?" Jongdae asks, smirking knowingly.

There is that, too, Yixing thinks, but he just shakes his head, starts playing an old Jay Chou song. "No," Yixing says, "though I don't want to be away that long."

Jongdae rubs the back of his neck and gives Yixing a slightly concerned look. "What are you gonna do when you graduate then?"

Yixing strums a little louder. "I don't know," he says again. He thinks of Chanyeol's bright smile and of all the time they spend together playing and laughing and singing and he thinks of what awaits him at home and that pales so terribly in comparison. "I guess we'll just see what happens," is all he can think to say because he doesn't have any answers at all and that's just as scary as anything else.

 

 

♫

 

 

Just a few days after Yixing's conversation with Jongdae does he get a phone call from his mother. Chanyeol is with him, too, spread out across Yixing's bed, his thick-rimmed glasses falling a little down his nose as he reads up for a class. Yixing contemplates even answering while Chanyeol is there, but he knows his mother will probably call back twice as much if he doesn't so he picks up and gives Chanyeol an apologetic smile. He just waves it off before turning back to his book as Yixing says, "Hi mom, how are you?"

"Good, I'm good, sweetie," she says, sounding happy and bright, and that makes Yixing relax, slumping back against the wall. "How is everything going with you?"

"All right," he says, "I'm studying right now. Exams are coming up so I'm doing my best."

"You're doing so well this year," his mother says. "I know it hasn't been easy, Yixing, but we are so proud of how far you've come."

"Thank you," he says and if he sounds a little stiff, his mother doesn't mention it. Chanyeol, however, seems to notice, lowering his book to give Yixing a curious look. Yixing smiles at him again, but it probably doesn't seem very honest, as Chanyeol doesn't return to studying, instead watches Yixing closely as Yixing talks to his mother.

"You're coming home for your break, right?" she asks in a way that suggests he has no choice in the matter. Yixing has been thinking about this constantly since he talked with Jongdae and the more he's mulled it over, the more appealing it's become to stay in Korea. He doesn't want to deal with everything back home yet and maybe he's running away from it by choosing to stay here, but Yixing thinks it's what he needs, right now. He hasn't decided entirely, he knows it will be difficult to convince his parents, but he's prepared to fight for that.

"I want to stay here," he tells her and Chanyeol can't understand what Yixing is saying when he's talking to his mother in Chinese, but the way he reaches out to grasp Yixing's hand tells Yixing that he understands this is an important conversation, that maybe Yixing is saying something difficult and he needs the encouragement. It helps, it really does, the warmth of Chanyeol's palm pressed against his, the way he rubs his thumb over Yixing's knuckles.

"You want to stay...?" his mother echoes. "You always come home, Yixing, and it would be good for you, we can discuss coming home and--"

Yixing clenches his eyes shut tight and takes a slow breath. "I've thought about that, too, mom," he says, "and I like it here. I like being here and I want to finish school here. It doesn't make sense to go home for one term."

"But--"

"Mom, this is what I want," he says as clearly as he can. Chanyeol gently squeezes his hand. "I want to stay here for the summer, too."

His mother is silent for a long time and Yixing opens his eyes again to find Chanyeol still watching him, concerned. "All right, I will talk to your father about this. We'll talk again soon. I don't want to keep you from your studies," she says finally.

"Okay," he says, not looking forward to dragging his conversation on, but he knew it wouldn't be so simple to have her accept this the first time he brings it up. "I'll call later."

She bids him goodbye and Yixing hangs up, sighing deeply as he tosses his phone onto the bed. Chanyeol immediately pushes their work aside and crawls over to flop himself atop Yixing, wrapping arms around him. "Are you okay?" he asks. "I don't know...what that was about but it didn't seem good."

"It was my mom," Yixing says. “My parents want me to go home for summer break.”

Chanyeol stills for a moment before he pushes himself up on his elbows to stare down at Yixing. “I...didn’t think about that at all,” he says with a frown and it’s clear that he doesn’t want Yixing to have to go.

Yixing smiles at him, pats his head lightly. “I just told her that I don’t want to,” he says and lets out a short laugh. “She didn’t take that very well.”

“You want to stay here?” Chanyeol asks, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Hmm, yes, because I have this really hot boyfriend and I can’t stand to be away from him for that long,” Yixing says loftily and Chanyeol smirks.

“Tell me more about this hot boyfriend of yours.”

Laughing, Yixing pokes at his sides which is probably not a good idea as Chanyeol snorts in surprise and collapses atop him. Yixing groans slightly, shifting underneath him until Chanyeol shuffles over and they’re lying side by side more comfortably. “Not just because I’d like to spend more time with you, but...I’ve been thinking about it for awhile recently that I just want to stay here longer.”

Chanyeol furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”

“It’s easier to stay here than to deal with everything back at home,” Yixing says with a shrug but Chanyeol still looks a little confused.

He props his head up with his elbow and asks, “Hyung, why don’t you want to go back? You rarely ever talk about your parents even though your mom calls you all the time and sends you huge care packages.” He laughs lightly but nothing is particularly funny. “Like, my mom barely even does that but I think about going home to visit a lot.”

Yixing looks down at the small space between them, at the weird English writing on Chanyeol’s t-shirt, at anything, really that isn’t the curious look in Chanyeol’s eyes. He’s not sure how to talk about this, it’s always been something he’s vaguely explained to everyone because Yixing doesn’t want to be told his decision was wrong, doesn’t want anyone to tell him it shouldn’t be this way. Yixing knows that already, but he made his choice.

“It’s...complicated,” Yixing says finally and Chanyeol’s low sigh makes his chest ache.

“You can’t tell me?” Chanyeol says and Yixing doesn’t like how he sounds wounded, like Yixing is purposefully keeping things from him, which isn’t it, not really.

“I’m not sure how,” Yixing says. “You might think it’s stupid.”

“I don’t think anything about you is stupid, hyung,” Chanyeol says and he’s so incredibly earnest it makes Yixing lean forward to kiss him once softly. “But if you need to figure it out a little more, I can understand that.”

Yixing licks his lips and considers. It would be easy to tell Chanyeol, he thinks, because everything with Chanyeol is easy. Singing and playing again, writing music again, that’s all been in part because of Chanyeol, who breaks down Yixing’s barriers and inspires him to do what he loves. It would be easy to tell Chanyeol about his family, about how bad things got his first year, and why it’s been so long since he’s touched a guitar. He knows Chanyeol is curious about all of that, and Yixing should...he should give back because Chanyeol has given him so much even if he’s unaware of most of it. Chanyeol is always honest with him, from how frustrated he gets when he can’t figure out how to write the next verse in a song or when he messes up during a performance. He doesn’t hide it anything about himself, happily telling Yixing about how he met up with his sister for lunch the other day or how sad he got when his mother made his favorite meal and sent him pictures of it just to tease him.

In the end though, Yixing closes in on himself and says, “I’ll tell you. I will. Just, not right now.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says but he doesn’t look okay, not at all, and Yixing pretends not to notice.

 

 

♫

 

 

The next few weeks seem to fly by in a haze of extra studying and Chanyeol clinging to him like he’s afraid Yixing is going to disappear. It’s clear he’s not particularly looking forward to spending time apart when break arrives and no matter how many times Yixing kisses him and reassures him it’s only two weeks, Chanyeol frowns unhappily and vows they will have to meet up a lot to make up for it.

That’s more than alright with Yixing, who isn’t entirely sure what he’s going to do for most of his break on his own. Still, it’s better than going home and after a few more phone calls with his parents, he’s able to stay, promising to use the time to study ahead.

Whenever they’re not studying for exams, Chanyeol demands they work on another song together. “It’s a good way to destress!” he insists and Yixing has to admit that taking an hour after every long stretch of studying really does help clear his head. It’s too hot outside now that it’s June in earnest, but Chanyeol still sometimes drags him out under the shade of trees and they play guitar outdoors, catching attention of students passing by who on occasion stop to applaud them when they finish.

They write lyrics about the future, about dreams and uncertainties. About love and playing guitar in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Yixing loves how the words sound in Chanyeol’s voice, smooth and heartfelt, likes the way they sound together even more.

It’s hard in those moments not to lean over and kiss Chanyeol under the shade because he feels so content, even with looming exams and the loneliness of break. In those moments it’s like everything else doesn’t really matter because Chanyeol is smiling at him like Yixing is the most important person and he discreetly links their fingers together for a moment before returning his hands to the strings.

“These sound really good,” Lu Han says one evening when he stops by to get Yixing for dinner only to find him slaving over lyrics, spread out across his desk. “I didn’t know you wrote so well.”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Yixing says, rolling his eyes.

“Well, considering how empty your brain is sometimes, can you blame me?” Lu Han says with a smirk and Yixing lightly reaches out to squeeze the back of his neck.

“Who was it that came to me for help to write something for their class because he couldn’t think of anything interesting?” Yixing says and Lu Han flushes slightly but blinks like he has no idea what Yixing is talking about. He hands back the notebook he’d picked up with Yixing’s lyrics and Yixing closes it gently before tucking it back into the drawer on the right side of his desk. “Thanks, though,” he says. “I’m glad you like them.”

“Any chance I’ll get to hear you sing them?” Lu Han asks, leaning against the doorframe as Yixing searches around the room for his keys and ID.

Lu Han helpfully points to his bed where the lanyard from Yixing’s keyring is spilling out from under his pillow and Yixing eventually finds his wallet in his backpack after looking practically everywhere else. “I don’t know about that,” Yixing says, locking up behind them as they head out for a local ramyeon place. Kyungsoo is supposed to meet them there; Yixing texted Chanyeol but he never replied, so Yixing figures he’s either deeply studying (he tends to turn his phone off when he does) or taking a nap. Maybe he’ll bring him some food to go on the way back…

“Why not?” Lu Han says, sounding particularly offended. “You practice all the time now, you could play again on stage if you wanted.” He tilts his head to the side. “Or do you really not want that?”

Yixing hasn’t really thought about that, not since Chanyeol had first brought up performing together. He shrugs, unsure. “It’s not that the idea is terrible, it’s just that it’s been so long I don't know if I could even do it.”

“You picked guitar back up easily enough,” Lu Han points out and Yixing greatly dislikes when he’s right. “Why is this so different?”

“It just is,” Yixing says instead of saying that he’s a little scared, scared that performing will only make it more real, make those dreams he’d pushed away come back. He sighs. “I’ll think about it,” he says, the way he had told Chanyeol he’d think about it.

Except this time, the thought sticks.

 

 

♫

 

 

Exams go by surprisingly well. Accounting is like a breeze because Yixing remembers Chanyeol’s low voice explaining everything so clearly it’s impossible for him to forget any of the material.

The day after his last exam Yixing finishes up the end of the song he and Chanyeol have been working on. He plays through it a few times on his own while Chanyeol is finishing up his final exam and it sounds good. Complete. He’s sure that Chanyeol will like it, too, the way it wraps up and fades out, matching the lyrics they’d come up with together.

He’s glad to be able to finish it up now especially since Chanyeol leaves for home tomorrow morning. Yixing is a little lost, because Chanyeol has integrated himself into Yixing’s life so fully the past few months that not having him come over unexpectedly or spending every extra moment playing together makes him feel so strangely empty. He stares down at their song for a long time, Chanyeol’s voice mixing in with his as they sing together and play together and thinks that maybe, he could do it.

“I finished the song,” he tells Chanyeol first thing when Yixing meets him at his room after Chanyeol’s exam. He’s brought his guitar along, strung over his back, and the sheets in his hand. Then, before Chanyeol can even respond, he adds, “I want to perform it. Together.”

Chanyeol blinks for a second, confused, but then he breaks out into a wide grin when Yixing’s words finally click. “What? Really?” he says, reaching out to grab Yixing’s wrist and drag him into his room. “I thought you weren’t--”

“I thought so, too,” Yixing says as he hands Chanyeol the sheets. “I know you go home tomorrow morning and you probably want to rest but…”

“Yixing-hyung,” Chanyeol says, staring down at the pages for a long moment before he looks up at him, “do you want to perform this right now?”

“We haven’t practiced it properly with the last bit but with all the time we’ve spent on it, I think we could do it,” Yixing says and he’s surprisingly himself at how much he wants this, right now. It just feels right, playing this song he’s written with Chanyeol properly on stage for the first time.

“I think we could, too,” Chanyeol says. He’s grinning so much. “Now that I’m done with my exams, all I want to do is play.”

It’s easy to run through the song once, twice in Chanyeol’s dorm room together so Chanyeol can learn the ending Yixing added. “It’s perfect,” he says, slinging an arm around Yixing’s shoulders and dragging him into a kiss. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

Yixing rolls his eyes, half-heartedly elbows Chanyeol in the gut and then laughs when he doubles over exaggeratedly. They end up at the café an hour later; it's a Friday night and it's not as busy as usual now that many students have gone back home, but there's still enough of a crowd that Yixing feels the nervousness start to overshadow the excitement from before.

"You're playing? Really?" Minseok asks, surprised, when Yixing stops at the counter to greet him. "I never thought I'd see the day."

Laughing, Yixing shakes his head. "You make it sound like it's such a big deal."

"Isn't it, though?" Minseok points out, raising a brow, and Yixing just smiles and doesn't answer. Minseok grins back, like he knows, and wishes him good luck before he returns to work. Yixing takes a slow, deep breath and joins Chanyeol by the stage, where he's pulling his guitar out of its case and watching a girl playing the piano to the side.

"Ready?" he asks excitedly, turning to Yixing with a wide grin as Yixing rests his hand on the back of his neck. Chanyeol leans into the touch easily.

"Yes," Yixing says, even though he's a ball of nerves right now. He remembers the first time he ever performed in front of people, how excited he'd been then because he loved guitar so much, loved singing and loved playing, loved expressing his thoughts and feelings in a way that made so much sense to him. He enjoyed the applause afterward, the congratulations on a good show, too, of course, but it was always more than the attention. Performing, playing, it made him feel good, made him feel happy, and it's been so long since he's experienced that rush of energy that right now, he's more terrified than anything else.

Chanyeol smiles at him, though, and reaches out to squeeze one of Yixing's hands. The guitar rough fingers feel so familiar against his skin, so comforting. "You're going to be great," Chanyeol says and, for once, Yixing bites down the urge to say Chanyeol will be better and just nods.

"Let's do this," he says, and Chanyeol gives his hand one last press before letting go.

The girl at the piano finishes up in the next few minutes and there's a timber of applause throughout the café. She scurries off to a table in the corner where her friends are sitting, and Yixing stares for a moment before Chanyeol is nudging him toward the little stage. They set up quietly, fine-tuning their guitars and laying out the sheet paper for reference even though Yixing is pretty confident, after all the time they've worked on this, that they know exactly how to play. Chanyeol introduces them quietly, laughs about how they haven't performed this before so it's probably a little messy, and then looks at Yixing with an encouraging smile. He taps his fingers to the wood of the guitar, counting to three, and then they play.

The second the music reaches Yixing's ears, Chanyeol's voice joining in a few beats later, Yixing can't stop smiling. His fingers move across the frets easily, eagerly, and the song sounds good, really good, in the open café, bouncing off the walls and filling up the spaces. Chanyeol plays and sings with as much gusto as always, but Yixing is a little hesitant at his first line, singing softer than usual until he catches Chanyeol beaming at him, like he's proud and amazed and happy all at once and that helps. His voice gets stronger, the adrenaline taking over, flowing through his veins as he sings into the mic and feels the eyes of people on him, on them.

His heart is racing when they finish, the last note of their song ringing clear in his ears, and the responding applause from around the room has him grinning. It's been ages since he's felt this way and he doesn't think it's something he ever wants to forget, again.

"Thanks for listening, everyone!" Chanyeol is saying into the mic, his loud voice even louder than usual, but it's like he can't hold back his excitement. Yixing can tell in the wide grin on his face, the way he's tapping his feet, a bundle of energy.

They pack up their things quickly, Chanyeol bouncing behind him hissing, "That was good, wasn't it? We did really well!" as they make their way toward the counter. "How was it, hyung?"

"Amazing," Yixing says earnestly and Chanyeol looks so much like he wants to yank Yixing into a hug, into a kiss, and Yixing wants... "Come on," he adds, leading Chanyeol around the counter and to the back. Minseok looks a little startled but then laughs as Yixing pats his ass as he passes him, leading Chanyeol to the break room. By the time they've set their guitars down to the side and Yixing's got Chanyeol pushed against the nearest wall, Chanyeol is laughing as he draws Yixing into a kiss.

Yixing returns it wholeheartedly, sliding a hand around the back of Chanyeol's neck and pulling him closer, the rush from their performance still surging through his veins and fueling his fervor. He can feel it in Chanyeol, too, the way he wraps his arms around Yixing's waist, one hand slipping into the back pocket of his jeans so he can guide him in, pressing them up together perfectly. It pulls a gasp from Yixing, Chanyeol's lips quirking into a smile against his, and Yixing kisses him harder for it.

"So I guess you really did like performing again, huh?" Chanyeol pants when they pull apart for air. He's playing with the hem of Yixing's shirt, fingers dancing across the skin just along the waist of his jeans, and Yixing sucks in his breath as he mouths down Chanyeol's neck.

"Shut up," Yixing says, only earning a breathless laugh in return, "I just want--"

"Yeah," Chanyeol says, drawing him back up so their mouths find one another again, "me too."

Yixing has no idea how long they stay there, making out in the back room like they've been starved and the only sustenance is each other, but it feels so good. Chanyeol's hands against his skin, Chanyeol's body pressed up against his, Chanyeol's low voice in his ears, moaning when Yixing grinds against him, the hand in his pocket squeezing his ass gently. He feels high off of their successful performance, but it's combined with how much he likes Chanyeol, how much he likes kissing him and being with him like this that everything feels like it's too much but not enough at the same time.

"Yixing," Chanyeol gasps, pushing his hips up, and the sound of his name like that in Chanyeol's voice has Yixing shuddering.

He pulls back, just enough to see his face clearly, and licks his lips. Chanyeol's eyes follow the move, before flicking back up to his eyes. The clear want in them has Yixing swallowing and taking a step back. "We should go," he says lightly, "before Minseok comes to look for us." He gives Chanyeol a long, pointed stare, and Chanyeol practically shivers from it.

"Okay," he says.

Later, when they're lying across Yixing's bed, tired but content after an incredible night, Yixing traces mindless patterns across Chanyeol's bare sides as he strums on his guitar in nothing but his boxers. He squirms and laughs at Yixing's touches but continues to play a Vanilla Acoustic song that Yixing can't recall, and Yixing doesn't think he's ever felt happier than this, right now.

"Hey," he says quietly, reaching out to draw a line across Chanyeol's collarbones. Chanyeol trembles a little, his fingers stilling on the guitar as he looks down at him with a curious smile. Yixing blinks back for a few, silent moments, and then leans up to kiss him.

 

 

♫

 

 

The start of the new term is both refreshing and frightening. Yixing is glad to have classes start up again after break, but he's realizing how close he is now to graduating, to going back home and pushing aside everything else. It's harder now, after spending so much time practicing and creating new songs over break that it's not as easy to focus solely on his studies anymore. He itches to play constantly, and spends classes writing lyrics into his notebook that he brings with instead of listening to the lecture. Old dreams are resurfacing, and every excited text from Chanyeol about a song he wants to cover, or a title for a song they've written, makes Yixing want those dreams to come true, more and more.

He does his best to stay on track though, because he has made it this far, and he doesn't think he could stand letting down his family now. Not again. Not when his mother calls him to ask how things are going, when she worries over his father's health and tells Yixing what a good son he is. Not when his father tells him, "I'm glad you've put aside your music hobby. You're going to go places, Yixing."

Yixing, if anything, can't turn his back on that, now.

"Did you seriously spend all your break writing music and fucking Chanyeol?" Baekhyun questions during lunch at the end of the week. "The music bit is okay...but I could've given you like a hundred other more interesting things to do than Chanyeol."

Lu Han snorts from where he's sitting beside him, digging into a burger and getting ketchup on the corner of his mouth. Chanyeol doesn't even look fazed by Baekhyun's comment, just settles a hand on Yixing's knee under the table and says, 'At least he's not lonely and single like you, Baekhyun."

"Yeah, how is it going with Taeyeon-noona? I thought you said you were wearing her down and that was like three months ago," Yixing questions.

Baekhyun scowls. "The two of you are worse together," he grumbles and Chanyeol grins. "Fuck off."

"You love us," Yixing coos, reaching across the table to pinch Baekhyun's cheek. He settles back as Baekhyun pouts at him and adds, "We wrote another song together. We might go perform it this weekend."

Beside him, Chanyeol stiffens. "Actually, I'm not sure if we can anymore. I have some, uh, projects to work on already," he says, frowning at Yixing. "Doesn't it suck? It's only been a week back."

"Oh," Yixing says. "If you're busy, then it can't be helped." He smiles at Chanyeol and he visibly relaxes, leaning into Yixing's side.

"Perform on your own," Lu Han suggests. "You can do just fine without him."

"That's true, hyung," Chanyeol agrees and Yixing considers. He hasn't yet performed on his own; playing with Chanyeol a few more times over break isn't the same as going up on stage alone. He could, though. He has the songs, so many of them he wouldn't even know which one to choose, but the idea is still a little unnerving.

"Maybe," is all he says on the matter, but when Lu Han and Baekhyun both tell him they'd come to cheer him on, the idea does become a little more appealing.

 

 

♫

 

 

 

“Are you doing all right, Yixing?” his grandmother says over the phone. “It’s been awhile since we’ve heard from you.”

“I’m okay,” Yixing says, shifting the phone to his other ear as he searches through his room for his book for his next class. “Exams are coming up, so I’ve just been busier than usual, that’s all.”

“I’m sure you will do just fine, sweetie,” she says.

“Thank you, I hope so, too,” Yixing says, smiling to himself because his grandmother always makes him feel better. He finds his book under his bed somehow and sighs in relief, shoving it into his backpack. He grabs his phone from his desk and his keys and heads out the door, locking up behind him. “How is everything at home?”

“Good, good,” she says. “Your father has been much better lately, and we’re all excited that you’re coming home soon.”

Yixing isn’t sure what to say about that, guilt tightening in his chest because Yixing is not looking forward to that at all. He can’t tell his grandmother that though, so he just says, “I can’t believe I’m graduating already,” because that’s safe, at least, and it’s true. He heads off to the student center to meet Chanyeol for lunch before his class, walking briskly down the sidewalks and into the building. He doesn’t see Chanyeol anywhere, so he waits by the doors.

“The past few years have gone by so quickly,” his grandmother says with a small laugh. “I’m proud of you, Yixing.”

He thanks her quietly and chats with her a little longer as he waits for Chanyeol to show up. When they part ways, he checks his phone for any messages from Chanyeol saying he might be late, but there aren’t any. It’s well past the time that Chanyeol’s last class should’ve ended and if Yixing doesn’t go to get something to eat now, he won’t have any time until dinner.

It’s been like this for too long, lately; Chanyeol not showing up when they plan to meet and Yixing isn’t sure what’s going on, but he knows that he doesn’t like it.

He waits for five more minutes before he gives up, sending Chanyeol a text to ask if he forgot, before he goes ahead to get lunch on his own. He doesn’t hear from Chanyeol until two hours later, when his phone buzzes in his pocket in the middle of his final class and all that’s there is a frantic apology that doesn’t make Yixing feel much better at all.

 

 

♫

 

 

"Did something happen with you and Chanyeol?" Jongdae asks, stopping by Yixing's desk and crossing his arms over his chest. "He hasn't been spending every waking moment here and I'm getting concerned."

Yixing looks up from his laptop and shrugs lightly. "Nothing's wrong," he says, because that, at least, is true. "He's just been really busy with something. He hasn't told me." He shrugs again, hopes it doesn't look like it bothers him, when it fact it does. The unanswered texts, the lack of time together. Yixing is busy, too, trying to juggle his course load when all he wants to do these days is play, but he doesn't think it takes that much effort to reply to a message, to at least tell him what's going on. "I haven't talked to him in a few days."

The passive concern on Jongdae's face deepens into real worry. "Seriously? But you guys talk all the time."

Chuckling hollowly, Yixing turns back to his laptop. Checks his email, his Weibo methodically, likes the post his mother made about her day. "We're fine, Jongdae," he says after a moment. "Sometimes things get in the way. I'm not really worried, so you shouldn't be either."

Jongdae purses his lips thoughtfully like he's considering what else to say about it, but then he drops it altogether. He pats Yixing's shoulder. "Okay," he says, "if you're sure."

Yixing nods, thanking him, and waits until Jongdae is back at his own desk before pulling out his phone and checking his messages. Nothing since the one he'd sent Chanyeol last night asking if he wanted to meet for dinner. He doesn't want to think too much about it, but he is worried. Things had been going so well and now, suddenly, it's like they're back to being practically strangers. He sends Chanyeol another message, something about an idea for a song he had earlier that day, but when he doesn't hear anything at all until the next morning, a short, _Cool! You should go for it, hyung!_ , Yixing wonders if maybe he's being dumped.

 

 

♫

 

 

It goes like this for the next month. Missed messages, the occasional lunch, and canceled plans, all from Chanyeol’s side. Yixing isn’t sure what to make of things. On the one hand, they had never explicitly said they were dating, that they were in a relationship, but on the other, Yixing was sure that this was more than just fooling around, that it wouldn’t be so easy to give up. He was sure, at the very least, he would get some kind of explanation of Chanyeol’s absence.

“Forget him,” Lu Han says when Chanyeol cancels on dinner plans for the second night in a row. “Clearly he doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“I’m sure something’s come up, that he can’t tell me,” Yixing says with a sigh, slumping down in bed. He thinks about when Yixing couldn’t tell Chanyeol things either, when Chanyeol had asked and Yixing had said no, and wonders if this is like that. He probably should have told him long ago.

“Don’t do that,” Lu Han says, flopping atop Yixing and practically jabbing an elbow into Yixing’s thigh. “You are too nice, Xing.”

“Maybe you’re just that mean,” Yixing counters, and laughs when Lu Han glares, offended. Lu Han’s right, though, to some degree, but he also knows Chanyeol better and he knows, he’s certain, that Chanyeol wouldn’t be ignoring him unless there was something extremely important going on in his life right now. Yixing just wishes it was something he could tell him.

“You’ll figure it out,” Lu Han says. “The two of you really worked together. And, well, he got you to play again, so I like him.”

“Just like that, huh,” Yixing laughs and pushes Lu Han off of him, practically sending him onto the floor. “Come on, let’s go eat. I’d rather not think about this anymore.”

“Sure,” Lu Han says, sliding an arm around Yixing’s shoulders and giving him a comforting half-hug.

It’s not until two days later that Chanyeol stops by unexpectedly when Yixing is finishing up some homework before bed. “Can we talk?” he asks, when Yixing answers the door, and Yixing is too surprised by his sudden appearance, by the bright look on his face, that he can only nod and let him in.

“Jongdae’s not here?” Chanyeol asks, glancing around the room before he settles down on Yixing’s bed and pats the space next to him.

Yixing joins him, feeling strangely nervous. He’s never felt this way around Chanyeol, he’s not sure that he likes it. “He’s in the shower,” he says finally, remembering Chanyeol just asked him a question. When Chanyeol nods, Yixing prods, “What did you want to tell me?”

Chanyeol reaches out to grab one of Yixing’s hands, and the look on his face is so serious that Yixing’s stomach drops to his knees. Maybe he was right, then, maybe this is it. “I wanted to apologize first for being so MIA lately,” Chanyeol says, his deep voice soft and soothing and Yixing didn’t realize he’s missed that so much until right now. “I haven’t been a very good boyfriend--” Yixing’s heart leaps at the word, “--but I didn’t want to bring it up until it was official.”

Yixing blinks. “What is official?”

“Well,” Chanyeol says, slowly grinning now, “a while ago, when I was doing a few sets at a club, someone stopped me afterward and said they were a scout for Mystic89.” Yixing’s eyes widen. “He gave me his card, told me I had a lot of talent, and that I should really consider auditioning.”

“Chanyeol--” Yixing says, astounded. Of all the reasons he’d come up with over the past few weeks, he hadn’t even thought of this. Relief washes over him because this, this throws away every tiny thought Yixing had had about Chanyeol wanting to break up. “Why--Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I thought it would be embarrassing, if it didn’t work out,” Chanyeol says. “I’ve wanted this opportunity for _so long_ , that I really don’t know what I’d do if I failed.” He sighs, looks down at their hands and gently links their fingers together. “I was practicing a lot on my own, and a few of the times I canceled on you was because I ended up meeting with a representative at the company.” He glances back up at Yixing from under his bangs. “I had my audition the other night.”

Yixing sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. This is going a little too fast and he’s suddenly not sure how to keep up. “And?” he prompts, even though it’s obvious.

“I passed,” Chanyeol says and Yixing doesn’t think he’s ever heard him sound so happy. “I fucking passed. I just got the call like an hour ago. I’m sorry I came by so late, but I had to tell you.”

“I wish you’d just told me everything from the beginning. I would’ve supported you. I could have helped,” Yixing says, unable to wrap his head around this. He’s conflicted, right now, relieved that Chanyeol didn’t come by to break them up, upset about being left out of such an important time in Chanyeol’s life, and happy for him all at the same time. There’s something else there, a bit, this unpleasant coil in the pit of his stomach because Chanyeol’s managed to do something Yixing had wanted himself years ago and now doesn’t think he will ever have. He doesn’t want to focus on that feeling though, instead forces himself to think about how amazing this is for Chanyeol, because it is. Yixing is so happy for him, he is.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Chanyeol says and he does look it, eyes sad and frown on his face. “It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, it’s just that it felt like something I needed to do on my own, and especially after all that I’ve said...the two of us making it big together, this--”

His words only make that unpleasant feeling tighten inside of him again and Yixing shakes his head with a small chuckle as he presses it away. “Stupid,” he says, releasing Chanyeol’s hand to instead curl his fingers into Chanyeol’s hoodie and yank him into a kiss. “That’s really stupid.”

Chanyeol laughs, too, but the tension in his shoulders lessens considerably. He pushes Yixing onto the bed and climbs atop of him and they fit together as easily as they always have, like no time has passed at all since the last time they were this close. “I’ve missed you,” Chanyeol murmurs against his lips.

“Me, too,” Yixing says. He gently runs his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair. “I’m happy for you, Chanyeol. Really. You’re going to be amazing.”

“I will, won’t I?” Chanyeol says confidently and Yixing lets out a loud laugh before dragging Chanyeol into another kiss.

 

 

♫

 

 

Chanyeol signs with Mystic89 a few days later and Yixing finds his unfaltering enthusiasm absolutely endearing. Things are better now, too, after Chanyeol explained everything and after Yixing sees just how excited he is about this chance. Yixing doesn’t like being upset with people and it’s especially hard to be unhappy with Chanyeol when Chanyeol is so incredibly happy.

They don’t fall entirely back to the way things were, but they start spending enough time together again that Jongdae complains about seeing Chanyeol’s ugly face too much and how he wishes it went back to when they were fighting.

“We weren’t fighting,” Chanyeol protests, annoyed. “We haven’t fought about anything before.”

“I don’t know, we get pretty heated over lyrics sometimes, when we’re writing,” Yixing says from where he’s resting his head in Chanyeol’s lap.

“But that’s more of our artistic differences clashing,” Chanyeol says, grinning down at him. “It’s not a real fight.”

“I don’t care what it is,” Jongdae interjects. “I miss the quiet. You two are too cute, it’s nauseating.”

“Poor Jongdae,” Yixing says seriously and Chanyeol laughs. Yixing looks up at him and asks, “It’s been awhile since we’ve performed anywhere. Do you want to tonight?”

Chanyeol’s face falls and he tugs lightly at the sleeve of Yixing’s loose tank top. “The agency said I probably shouldn’t play much at clubs and stuff like that anymore,” he says. “I don’t really get it, but I should do what they tell me to, you know?”

“Oh,” Yixing says. He sits up, puts a little space between them. “Well, I guess that can’t be helped then, huh?” Chanyeol is still frowning so Yixing nudges his knee with a toe. “Don’t look like that, it’s okay. We can still play together here.”

“You should perform something on your own, Yixing,” Chanyeol says after a moment, his eyes brightening. “One of your own songs. You have so many good ones, hyung, and you haven't done a solo stage yet, have you?”

“No, but I--”

“Come on, you should do it!” Chanyeol says. “I’ll come with you, support you from the front row.” He laughs.

Yixing sighs, rubs the back of his neck and glances toward his desk where his notebook full of lyrics sits in its usual drawer. “I guess, I could…” he starts, uncertain.

“You can’t be afraid forever, hyung,” Chanyeol says and the words are like a smack to the face. When yixing looks back at him, he’s watching Yixing with soft eyes. “I know how much you love performing, I see it when we do it together. You can do that on your own, too.”

Yixing pouts, a little displeased by how Chanyeol’s right. He looks over at Jongdae who is watching them with amusement, and Jongdae just shrugs and says, “He’s got a point.”

“See?” Chanyeol says, prodding Yixing’s shoulder. He stares at Yixing expectantly and Yixing wavers on the fence for a few long moments before he finally crumples.

“Okay, okay, I got it,” he says, a smile pulling at his lips. “I’ll do it. I’ll try.”

Chanyeol cheers and tackles him to the bed and Yixing tries not to let the nervousness get to him before he’s even out on stage. As he thinks more and more about it that night, he realizes that yes, this is what he wants. Being on stage, performing a song that he wrote entirely himself, it’s been too long since he’s done that. It’s different when it’s with Chanyeol, and Yixing thinks that he’s ready to finally stop being so afraid.

 

 

♫

 

 

From the stage Yixing sees his friends at a table by the window, Kyungsoo with an arm around Baekhyun’s neck as he chokeholds him without real pressure and Jongdae laughs from the other side of the table. Lu Han watches it all with amusement and he’s first to look up and catch Yixing’s eye. He waves, and everyone turns to grin at him. Baekhyun ducks out of Kyungsoo’s hold to holler out a _fighting!!_ and Yixing just laughs, shaking his head as he looks away.

He doesn’t see Chanyeol anywhere in the cafe and he pushes aside the sickening feeling in his gut.

There isn’t any time to think about that though, not when he has to perform. He strums his guitar a few times, making sure it’s in tune, and closes his eyes, takes a slow, steady breath. He plays a song that he written recently, back when Chanyeol wasn’t around as much and Yixing wasn’t sure where they were going, if they were okay. It wasn’t really meant to be about either of them, but it’s become that way, a bit, in the low sounds of the guitar and the uncertainty in his lyrics. Yixing likes how it turned out, though, and he’s glad to be able to sing it now, even if he stumbles a little over the Korean and misses a beat in the second verse. It’s okay, because he’s up here on his own for the first time in _years_ , and there are people out there who support him in this, who support him for his love of music, and there’s Chanyeol, too, who pushed him back toward this without even really knowing it.

There’s a murmur of applause afterward and Yixing’s friends are by far the loudest and Yixing wanders over afterward and smacks Baekhyun, always the loudest, over the back of his head. “You’re such a nuisance,” he laughs, but he feels good. The music is still in his ears and his fingertips feel rough from playing but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Come join us,” Kyungsoo says, pulling an empty chair from the table next to them over.

“Watch this,” Yixing says, setting his guitar case down. “I’ll go get something to drink.”

They nod and wave him off and Yixing heads to the counter, patting his pockets to make sure he brought his wallet with him. “Hey,” says a familiar voice and Yixing looks up to find Yifan at the front, sitting at a stool at the counter. “I saw you perform.” He smiles, the kind that shows off his gums but Yixing thinks is really cute. “You’re really good.”

“Thanks,” Yixing says, rubs the back of his neck. “I messed up though.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Yifan says, waving a large hand in the air. “You still did a great job. Did you write that song?”

“Yes,” Yixing says and there’s a surge of pride rushing through his veins at that. Yifan looks impressed, eyeing him closely and Yixing shuffles toward the register when the person in front of the line has moved on. “My usual, hyung,” he tells Minseok, who rings it up easily and wanders off to fill it for him and Yixing turns back to Yifan. “I haven’t seen you in awhile, how are you?”

Yifan smiles at him, takes a sip of his coffee and sets his mug down carefully. “I actually came by here today to see you,” he chuckles and Yixing tilts his head at him, curious. “I didn’t know you weren’t working though, but I guess I got to see something better.”

Yixing feels himself flush from the attention but he waves Yifan’s compliment off quickly. Minseok returns then with Yixing’s drink and Yixing pays him with a grin, taking the mug and taking a sip before thinking and practically scalding his tongue. Yifan laughs at him, not unkindly, and hands him a few napkins when Yixing spills a little, setting the mug down.

“Thanks,” Yixing says gratefully, dabbing the napkins on the countertop and when he looks up again, Yifan is watching him with a sort of fond look in his eyes.

“Have you eaten yet tonight?” he asks suddenly. “Want to get dinner with me?”

Surprised, Yixing blinks at him for a moment before he opens his mouth to reply, except his words never come out. Instead, a familiar warmth wraps around his body and Chanyeol’s low voice says clear in his ears, “Only if I get to come too, and you buy, hyung!”

A laugh bubbles out of Yixing and he turns in Chanyeol's hold to look up at him. Chanyeol is staring at Yifan, but he turns to Yixing when Yixing tugs at the collar of his shirt and presses a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Hey, I didn't think you were coming," he says.

"I'm sorry," he says, squeezing Yixing a little tighter and grinning widely when Yixing reaches out to push his hair from his face. "I wanted to be here when you performed. I just missed you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it's okay," Yixing says, and it is. Yes, he wishes Chanyeol had been there, but Yixing knows he's busy, knows it can't be helped. He's here now though, and Yixing is happy for that at least. When Chanyeol pouts at him sadly Yixing coaxes a smile back to his face with soft kisses. "Really, Chanyeol-ah, don't worry about it."

Chanyeol relaxes after that, easing up on his leech-like hold but still keeping an arm around Yixing's waist. It's almost possessive, fingers rubbing at his waist, and the slight darkness to his eyes when he looks at Yifan is all really adorable. Yixing hides a smile around the rim of his mug as he takes another sip while Chanyeol talks Yifan into buying him dinner and Yifan pretends not to listen.

"You should go up and play something again," Chanyeol tells him when his attempts are unsuccessful and they head back to join the others, Yifan tagging along with them. "I want to see. I'll go sit right by the stage."

"That's even worse than Baekhyun's obnoxious cheering," Yixing laughs, but he's pleased anyway.

"Come onnnn," Chanyeol whines and Yixing narrows his eyes at him, considering, even though he's already decided the second he asked.

"All right, but stay here," he says, poking him in the chest, and when Yixing goes up to play again he looks right at Chanyeol and feels like this is right where he belongs.

 

 

♫

 

 

As the weather gets colder, the days seem to get slower. Yixing’s last term trudges along much slower than the one before it, and Yixing’s not sure if it’s because he’s so dreading graduation or if it’s because in the spring there was Chanyeol, who made the days go by so much faster with his bright smile and loud voice and gentle kisses.

It’s not that they don’t see either at all anymore, but the time they spend together has greatly decreased. When Chanyeol’s not studying, he’s at his new agency, training, learning, meeting new people, becoming even better than he already is. Yixing doesn’t begrudge him any of that, but suddenly he feels a little stuck, again. Uncertain about where they stand, uncertain about himself, his love of music that Chanyeol helped bring back is just as strong and Yixing wonders these days, as he hears about Chanyeol’s endeavors, if he really doesn’t want the same.

It’s easy though, to push those thoughts away into the back of his mind. Yixing has been doing that for years, so he does it again like it’s a way of life. He focuses on his school work and he writes music on his own, and starts to feel more and more comfortable, playing on stage again. Sometimes Lu Han or Baekhyun will join him, now that Chanyeol can’t, and they’ll sing covers and laugh about it afterward, getting drinks from a local bar and ending up sprawled across Yixing’s dorm room floor in the middle of the night. Sometimes Yixing won’t be able to sleep, then, his mind reeling, and he writes lyrics into his notebook with just his desk lamp turned on and Jongdae’s snoring as a playlist.

Chanyeol sometimes shows up late at night just before Yixing goes to sleep and he looks tired but happy after another day of training and Yixing can’t turn him away, wouldn’t want to turn him away, so instead lets him climb into bed with him so they can sleep quietly together. It’s as much as they get, these days, so Yixing enjoys it, even if they spend more time asleep than doing anything else.

But when the weeks before graduation come around, it’s harder to be okay with that. Yixing doesn’t know what to expect, because he’ll be going back home and Chanyeol will be here and Yixing is so lost. All he really knows is that he doesn’t want anything to end between them, but he doesn’t know how a relationship will work when they’re in different countries when they barely seem to spend enough time together, living in the same campus.

“I don’t want to break up,” Chanyeol says instantly when Yixing finally manages to bring this up. leans into Yixing, presses his head against Yixing’s shoulder and rubs holds him close.

“I don’t want to either but--” Yixing starts, only for Chanyeol to cut him off with a shake of his head.

“I know I haven’t been around much, but things are going to get better soon,” he says, full of optimism. “It might be hard, but we can make it work. I really like you, Yixing.”

Yixing sighs, raising a hand to gently thread his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair. “I really like you, too,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Then we should at least try, don’t you think?” Chanyeol says, tilting his head up to press small kisses along Yixing’s jaw. “I want to try.”

Yixing pushes down his uncertainties, because if Chanyeol wants to try, then he does, too. It will make everything better, anyway, once he’s back at home, if he knows that at least, he still has Chanyeol, too. “Okay,” he says, “we can try.”

 

 

♫

 

 

A lot can happen in a year. The future Yixing had been so afraid of now rests easily on his shoulders, no longer a source of uncertainty but an almost comfortable presence. He wakes up every morning and helps his parents open up the restaurant, taking over some of the more tougher jobs for his father who the doctors say need to rest much more than he does. His mother oversees much of the cooking and prep, jumping into help when things get a little busy but otherwise making sure their new chef, Han Geng, is taking care of everything right. Yixing’s grateful for that because as much as his father has helped him prepare, Yixing’s never quite gotten the hang of cooking, especially not with his family’s precise recipes. “There’s a tradition to uphold,” his mother laughed at him when Yixing had tried, sometime after returning home. It hadn’t turned out bad, but it wasn’t _right_ , and his father clapped him on the back and said, “That’s why we’ll have you looking over the business side of things.”

The business side of things...isn’t as awful as Yixing had expected them to be. But Yixing doesn’t run everything on his own - at least not yet - and maybe that’s why taking over most of the operational aspects of the restaurant doesn’t seem to be so overwhelming. Or maybe he’s just gotten used to it within the year, with not much else to do to occupy his time.

It’s not so terrible though. He has fun with Zitao, a cute kid who works part-time when he’s not at taking classes at the university. He’s loud and clingy and sings G-Dragon songs in butchered Korean when he cleans up, but he makes the restaurant exciting and everyone loves him. They both get along well with Amber and Song Qian, who are both lively and spirited and it’s...fun, almost, coming in every morning and preparing for the day.

A year has changed more than just this. It was hard to come back home after spending so many years in Korea, especially leaving behind the friends he has made since the start of university. He keeps in touch with almost everyone though; Lu Han sends him emails almost daily, talking excitedly about the kids he teaches and demanding Yixing come visit soon because he misses Yixing’s stupid face. Baekhyun fills up Yixing’s LINE with pointless links and photos of his face and Yixing has skyped with Jongdae a few times over the months, listening to him whine about graduation and how Kyungsoo almost left him on the floor of a club because he was so wasted.

Chanyeol, on the other hand. Well, Yixing hasn’t heard much from him. Their last correspondence was maybe two months ago, when Chanyeol had sent him an excited email that said things were looking up at his agency.

_I miss you, hyung,_ was written at the bottom, and Yixing had replied back similarly but never received anything more.

Yixing makes sure not to let it bother him. There’s not much he can do, anyway, now that they’re in completely separate countries. At first, they would email almost regularly, would make the time to Skype and Yixing would play something new he was working on and Chanyeol complained how it never sounded as good as it did when they’d been playing side by side. Then Chanyeol got even busier, juggling his final year at school and his overwhelming training, and Yixing had the restaurant to look after.

“Taozi, can you take care of the corner table?” Yixing says one day, “Liyin-jie was asking for you.” He carefully hands over the tray stacked with bowls of food over to Zitao who takes it from him with a smile. “I’ll handle the orders for your table.”

“All right, Yixing-ge,” he says, heading toward the table before stopping suddenly and turning to Yixing. “Afterward go take a break, okay? You’ve been up here all morning and you haven’t stopped for a second.” Yixing opens his mouth to complain but Zitao pouts at him in the way he knows is instantly effective. Yixing wishes he wasn’t so weak. “Amber and I can take care of this, it’s not too busy.”

“Okay, okay,” Yixing says, “just get going.” He makes a swipe to smack Zitao’s butt and Zitao’s cute laugh fills up the restaurant. Yixing sighs, squaring his shoulders before heading in the opposite direction to where an elderly couple has settled down at a table by the door. “Welcome! What can I get you today?”

 

 

♫

 

 

It’s a day in early March when Yixing checks his email to find just one new message from Lu Han, a Tudou link and an excited _WATCH THIS!!!_. Yixing is still half-asleep, staring at his phone in wonder, and hoping this isn’t like the time Lu Han accidentally (or not-so-accidentally, it’s hard to tell with Lu Han) linked him porn, and clicks the link.

He knows what it is the second the music starts playing, the familiar strains of guitar, the familiar low hum of a voice Yixing hasn’t heard in so long, the familiar face that he tries so hard not to think about. Chanyeol’s voice, Chanyeol’s music, Chanyeol, in the video on Yixing’s phone, singing a song that Yixing knows all too well. Of course, he would, since they had written it together.

He almost laughs even though nothing is particularly funny, but he’s also too struck by the short teaser that showcases Chanyeol playing guitar by a large window of a white-walled room. He looks just like Yixing remembers, except his hair has been dyed a dark brown. Everything else is the same, the way he closes his eyes when he sings, the curve of his lips, the way his ears stick out too much.

The short clip of the song fades into a date for his mid-March debut and then all black and Yixing stares at his phone for a long time before he rewatches it. He watches it maybe four times, excitement in his veins for Chanyeol’s debut warring with the nostalgia of their relationship. All he can think of now is those hours they spent spread out across each others’ dorm room floors, writing lyrics together and practicing the music in between kisses and gentle touches. How Chanyeol would whisper the words into Yixing’s ear when Yixing would end up lying against his chest, tired from studying and fingers a little sore from the guitar, Chanyeol’s breath hitching when he’d slip them up his sides, under his shirt.

He hasn’t played that song since they finished it, but that morning he showers and he pulls his guitar off its stand in the corner of the room and it’s been a long time but Yixing remembers. He plays it easily, wondering how Chanyeol felt recording it in the studio, wondering if he thought about Yixing as he sang the lyrics and filmed the music video.

He never replies to Lu Han’s message because he doesn’t really know what to say. Instead he writes five different emails to Chanyeol but never sends any of them.

 

 

♫

 

 

"Did you hear about the new soloist that is debuting in Korea?” Zitao asks him not even three days later. They’re closing up after a long day and Yixing feels pretty dead on his feet but he'd planned to go to a nearby club for a show tonight so he tries to keep himself awake, focusing on cleaning up around the restaurant. It's been awhile since he's played on stage and after Chanyeol’s teaser, the urge has come back. "It seems like the kind of music you like, Yixing-ge."

Yixing laughs as he wipes down a table. "Yeah I saw it," he says. "Do you like him? I can probably get you his autograph.” He flashes Zitao a grin.

Zitao’s eyes widen. He stops sweeping up the floor entirely, leaning on the end of the broom with interest. "You knows him?"

"We were...friends in college," Yixing says. "We played guitar together a lot."

"And now he's famous?" Zitao exclaims like this is the biggest piece of news he’s ever heard.

"Well, he hasn't debuted yet,” Yixing points out with a chuckle, pushing in the chairs at the table and then heading onto the next one, “but, yes, I'm sure he will be." He smiles thinking about the dreams they'd shared together for awhile, how nice it had sounded when Chanyeol said they would make it big together.

"Yixing-ge, why don't you ever let me hear you play?” Zitao whines in that unfairly cute voice of his. Yixing can hear the bristles of the broom catching on the floor as Zitao starts to work again, but he doesn’t expect to suddenly find him hooking an arm around Yixing’s elbow and leaning into him. “I know you still do,” he continues, pouting at Yixing when he turns to look up at him, “and we’ve been friends for a year now.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to see, Taozi,” Yixing says, patting his head gently, and that’s true.

“Then can I see?” Zitao asks. “"You brought your guitar today, are you going somewhere to play tonight?”

“I am,” Yixing says, dropping the washcloth onto the next table, shuffling along with Zitao continuing to cling to him. He looks at him then, and offers before Zitao can open his mouth, “Want to come with me, then?”

Zitao’s bright smile is answer enough and Yixing laughs, pushes him away to continue cleaning up.

Zitao fills up the silence in the restaurant by firing off question after question about Yixing's music. His interest is adorable so Yixing doesn't really mind telling him and by the time they leave that night, Zitao seems more excited about Yixing's performance than Yixing is.

It's not a big club, but it's still quite packed with people and Yixing has to be careful carrying his guitar through the crowd. He heads for the stage while Zitao stops at the bar to get them each something to drink. There's an actual band up on stage right now, and Yixing watches them as he waits, trying to not let the nervousness seep into his veins and take over. He hasn't done this as often as he did during his last year with Chanyeol, but he hasn't stopped playing onstage entirely. Despite that he still manages to get anxious, always uncertain if people will respond to him warmly, worrying over whether he practiced enough to not mess up. That's part of why he doesn't tell many people he comes to play here, and knowing that Zitao will be watching makes Yixing want to put on an even better show than usual.

It's his turn before long and he sings an old song he wrote back in high school that he recently tweaked a bit, and two covers. He's surprised more often these days at how fast time goes by while he's up there, and he always wishes he could continue playing for awhile longer because the spotlight on him feels warm and comforting and the sound of the guitar that echoes off the walls is so soothing. He would like it, he thinks, to be able to perform his own music fully, without a time constraint of just fifteen minutes.

Zitao is waiting for him just a few tables away from the stage, waving enthusiastically at Yixing to join him. He slides a glass over to him that Yixing gratefully accepts, downing the drink easily and letting it help ease his wired nerves. He always gets overly excited after a performance. Except these times, there's no Chanyeol around to release his energy, no one to share in the rush that fills his veins. Zitao is great, but it's not the same as letting Chanyeol pull him into bed afterwards and feeling his mouth on his, heated skin growing hotter by the second with every brief touch.

He pushes those thoughts away though and takes another sip of his drink. "What did you think?"

"You're so good," Zitao says earnestly, nodding for effect. Yixing wonders if he might not be a little tipsy already. "I'm gonna have to come see you perform more now, ge."

"Well, if you want," Yixing says with a shrug. "I can't stop you." He is pleased though, and Zitao's enthusiasm is endearing. They chat for awhile before Zitao decides he wants to go dance now that the DJ has started playing music and Yixing leaves him to it, saying he'll catch up in a bit. Zitao pats his shoulder before he wanders off and Yixing pulls his phone from his pocket to check for messages.

A whiny LINE message from Baekhyun telling Yixing to stop ignoring him, but other than that nothing else. Yixing stares at the email thread between him and Chanyeol, wonders if he should say something, when a familiar voice that Yixing hasn't heard in a long time says his name.

Yifan is standing beside the table, looking tall and handsome as he usually did in college, dressed in dark fitted jeans and a button down. Yixing stares at him for a long moment, surprised, and it's Yifan that laughs and breaks the ice, sliding into Zitao's empty seat. "I never imagined to run into you here," Yifan says. "How are you, Yixing?"

"Good, I'm good," Yixing says, finally finding his voice. "How about you? What are you doing here? Last I heard you were working in Seoul still!"

"I did email you awhile ago saying I was transferring over to Beijing, didn't I?" Yifan says with a small laugh. Yixing blinks at him, looks down at his open email on his phone and then sheepishly back up at Yifan. Yifan just waves a hand at him dismissively. "It's okay, I learned in college how terrible you are at keeping up with messages."

Yixing rubs the back of his neck, smiling softly. He sets his phone down to the side and takes another sip of his drink. "What brings you here then?"

"My coworkers dragged me," Yifan says, pointing toward the bar where, surprisingly, Yifan's two pretty female coworkers are talking with Zitao.

"Looks like they found my friend," Yixing says, amused. He turns back to Yifan and grins. "It's nice to see you."

"You, too," Yifan says and the smile he gives Yixing is every bit the same as it was over a year ago when they last saw each other. "I caught the last bit of your performance just now, too. Have you been playing a lot?"

"More or less the same as before," Yixing says.

"Nothing like Chanyeol, then? Did you hear about his debut?" Yifan says.

Yixing nods. "Yeah, I was happily surprised. He's wanted this for a long time." He rubs his thumb around the rim of his glass. There's not much left, just a few chunks of ice. "And yeah, it's nothing like Chanyeol. He...he's always been the bigger dreamer."

Yifan chuckles lightly at that and takes a drink from his own glass. "Are you two..." he starts but flushes a bit and amends, "do you talk to him a lot?"

Yixing shakes his head. "He's really busy these days," he says. "So am I, though, so I can't blame him." He shrugs.

"So you're not..." Yifan says and Yixing narrows his eyes playfully at him.

"What's with the interrogation?"

Yifan's blush deepens and he looks down at his hands. "We haven't seen each other in over a year. I'm just interested in how everything's been since then," he says, meeting Yixing's eyes. "Is that so bad?"

Yixing shakes his head. "No," he says and he downs the rest of his drink. "Only if I can get to interrogate you back, though."

Yifan laughs at that and it's a nice sound in the constant beat of the bass all around them. "Okay, but let me buy you another drink first," he says, and the look in his eyes is so hopeful.

Yixing remembers that look, but he smiles this time and says, "Sure."

 

 

♫

 

 

When Chanyeol's music video drops, Yixing is busy with lunch rush. He knows it's come out though, he's been waiting for it, and it's not until Amber shoves him to take a break in the back that he finally settles down in their tiny office and pulls his phone out to watch. It's different, seeing Chanyeol like this, made up with eyeliner and his hair nicely styled. He looks nice in dark jeans and cozy looking sweaters and crisp button-downs, and Yixing can't help but smile when he sees him in that familiar pair of lense-less dark-rimmed glasses. Some things clearly have not changed.

The song is good, but Yixing had no doubt about that. It's been arranged a little differently than what he remembers creating with Chanyeol, but the lyrics are the same and the sound is the same and Yixing remembers so vividly writing this with Chanyeol that's strange, a little, to see him sing it and play it without him.

Yixing doesn't blame him for picking it though. Out of everything he's written, together with Chanyeol and on his own, this song is one of his favorites.

He checks his email after he watches and there's a new message that wasn't there that morning. From Chanyeol.

_Did you see??!?!!_ is all it says and Yixing laughs, shaking his head slightly as he types up a response.

_Of course I did. We should talk soon,_ he sends back, and he doesn't have to wait long before he notices a reply. This is the fastest turnaround they've had in a long time.

_Busy right now, but tonight? Be on Skype! Don't forget!_

Yixing lets him know he'll be there and then ends up pulling up the video again. He watches once more, lets the sound of Chanyeol's voice fill him up, and heads back to work. He hums the tune under his breath for the rest of the day.

 

 

♫

 

 

"What did you think?" is the first thing Chanyeol says when Yixing video messages him later that night. He's sitting back in bed, wearing a cap on his head and his usual glasses. He looks good, his grin as bright as always.

Yixing grins back, settling into the chair at his desk and trying to make sure the camera still has him in good view. Lu Han complains that Yixing never pays attention and then Lu Han ends up with an extended view of Yixing's chest. "I thought it was great," Yixing says honestly. "You used our song."

"Yeah, I did," Chanyeol says and he scratches the side of his face a little. "I wasn't sure...if you'd be okay with that. One of the guys at the agency heard me practicing it one day and thought it could be something really good."

"It's okay, Chanyeol," Yixing says. "I don't mind. I'm glad something we wrote together is actually going to be on a CD. That people can buy." He laughs. "It's kind of surreal."

"Tell me about it," Chanyeol says but despite the incredulity of everything, he still looks so excited. "Not all the songs on my mini are my own, but I think there was one more? And it's crazy. This whole debut is crazy."

"You don't look that freaked out about it though," Yixing says with a smile. "You love it."

Chanyeol doesn't even bother to pretend. His grin widens more, making his eye squint slightly. "I do," he says and he sounds proud. "It's finally happening, hyung."

"I told you it would," Yixing says. "I knew it would."

"What about you?" Chanyeol says, turning the tables so suddenly Yixing takes a moment to catch up. "Don't tell me you stopped playing again."

Yixing shakes his head. "I haven't. I play sometimes. I go to this club nearby and perform once in awhile," Yixing admits.

"Have you considered auditioning anywhere? You should really try, hyung, I'm sure there are a bunch of agencies in Beijing."

Yixing has thought about it. Has recorded a few of his songs on his computer, burned them onto a CD to have for any potential audition he's brave enough to try. It hasn't happened yet, though, because Yixing is still unsure, still a little afraid. He swallows thickly and smiles at Chanyeol. "I've thought about it, yes," he says, because there's no point in lying to him now, when they're so far away, when Yixing won't have to hear Chanyeol push him about it everyday. Chances are, after tonight, Yixing won't hear from Chanyeol again for another few months. That's just how it's been.

"And?" Chanyeol prompts. When Yixing bites his lip and doesn't answer, Chanyeol frowns and leans closer toward his camera, making Yixing's screen fill up with a close-up of his face. "Yixing-hyung, don't be so scared to go after what you want. Are you really happy with your life right now, knowing that you haven't even given yourself the opportunity to _try_ for something more?"

Yixing isn't sure how to answer that because, well, Chanyeol is right. Chanyeol has usually been right about these things. He fiddles with the mouse on his desk and sighs. "Why don't you tell me something I don't already know?" he says finally. "When is your first performance as a debuted musician?"

Chanyeol seems to understand Yixing doesn't want to talk about it, so he rises to the bait and dives into stories about his training and his upcoming debut. He whines about how his manager seems to hate him and how Jongdae never answers any of his emails. Yixing listens quietly, tries not to think about the lack of emails he gets from Chanyeol, tries not to focus too much on how much he misses spending time together like this. It's not the same as lying in bed together and studying and talking about anything and everything, but it's better than it's been in a long time.

"I miss you," Yixing says suddenly, the words just tumbling out as he thinks them in his head and they catch Chanyeol off guard. He shuts up mid-sentence and stares at his screen for a long time before his face breaks out into a big, happy grin.

"I miss you, too," he says and he sounds so much like he means it, but Yixing wonders. He does. Because Chanyeol has so much more right now, a debut in one hand and a bright future in the other, while all Yixing has is his uncertainties and his fears.

 

 

♫

 

 

When Yifan asks Yixing out a few days later, after over a week of catching up and messages and getting dinner once or twice, Yixing isn't all that surprised. He'd sort of expected for awhile, but Yifan is surprised when Yixing says yes.

"Yes? Really?" he says, sounding both shocked and excited over the phone.

Yixing laughs and nods, but remembers Yifan can't see him so he adds, "Yes, really."

"What about--" Yifan starts but then clears his throat and continues, "I guess that doesn't matter."

Yixing stares down at the lyrics he'd been working on, rolls his pencil across the smooth surface of his desktop. "It doesn't. Really. Don't worry about. Chanyeol and I aren't really dating anymore," Yixing says. It's true, mostly, because even if neither of them have actually said it out loud, that's how it feels.

"Okay," Yifan says. "I won't. I'd rather not think about you two together anyway."

That pulls another laugh from Yixing. "So, where do you want to meet?"

Yifan takes him to a really nice restaurant that Friday night, claiming his coworkers brought him here when he'd transferred and that they have some of the best food. "Yes, but can it compete with my restaurant?" Yixing says seriously, picking up the menu and glancing through it.

"I'm not so sure they're comparable," he says just as seriously and Yixing pretends to be wounded.  
  
"It's not very nice to poke fun about my profession on the very first date," Yixing says, shaking his head. "Minus ten points." 

Yifan laughs loudly, hides his mouth with a hand. “Keeping points, huh?” he says. “Then I guess I better be on my best behavior.”

“You’re definitely not off to a good start,” Yixing teases and Yifan smiles warmly back at him and this...this is nice.

He and Chanyeol had never gone out like this, not on something that could ever really be called a _date_. Yixing never minded that, and Chanyeol must have not either. Just spending time with him on their own terms was more than enough, and Yixing always liked the easiness of their relationship. But this, this isn’t so bad either, and Yifan is really nice. They’ve always gotten along well and Yixing finds the way Yifan tries hard to impress him kind of endearing. As far as dates go, it’s a good one, and Yixing has fun watching how flustered Yifan can get when he teases him.

“You know, I always had a bit of a crush on you when we were in school,” Yifan admits just before the part ways for the night. Yixing had suspected as much but he still flushes a little, embarrassed. Yifan just grins. “So I’m glad you said yes tonight.”

“I’m glad, too,” Yixing says softly, but when the last thing on his mind is not Yifan’s smile but Chanyeol’s, he’s not so sure anymore.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing buys Chanyeol’s album a few days after it’s released, when he stops by one of his favorite music shops and sees it on the shelf. He spends the rest of the day playing it over and over again, enjoying the smooth, low sound of Chanyeol’s voice in his ears. It’s a good album, all the songs showcasing his guitar skills and his singing, and he sends Chanyeol an email about his thoughts after he’s listened a few times.

_I was gonna send you a signed copy!_ he writes back a day later. _I'm glad you liked it, hyung. ^^ Make sure you check the liner notes, too! ;D_

Yixing isn't expecting that, but he does check the short CD packet when he gets home. He doesn't have to look long because in the notes for Chanyeol's title song, _Someday_ , is Yixing's name in the lyrics and composition credits. He definitely wasn't expecting that, but when he thinks about it, he probably should have. He knows Chanyeol would never take complete credit for something he didn't do entirely on his own. It's nice to see his name there, though. It doesn't matter that people rarely look at liner notes, it matters that it's there. That Chanyeol credited him, that Yixing can have recognition for something that he worked on. He might not be the one singing it, but it's there. And that, that feels really good.

_Thank you_ , he replies to Chanyeol later. _Send me the signed copy anyway._

Seeing his name written like that makes Yixing focus even more on music when he's not working. He fills up the house with the clear sounds on the piano that hasn't been played in a long time, and his grandmother sits with him and reminds him to keep his hands raised and his back straight.

"You used to be so good," she teases him with a shake of her head.

"Never as good as you," he tells her and she pats his cheek and plays with him, sitting side by side on the bench.

"I thought you had stopped playing," his mother says one day when she walks in on Yixing practicing guitar in his room. He's surprised she waited so long to talk to him about it, but maybe it's because he's been playing so much more now, and not bothering to keep it to himself. He'll sit in their living room with his sheet music, switching between guitar and the piano, sometimes working on his own, sometimes with his grandparents looking over his shoulder and pointing out little misses or better sounds. Yixing knows his mother has seen this, his father, too, and while they've been tight-lipped about it, they haven't told him to stop.

"I thought I had, too," Yixing replies with a small shrug. "I realized it's not that easy to give up something you love, though."

She looks at him contemplatively, like she wants to say more, but instead she leaves him alone and it's like the conversation never happened. Yixing is okay with that. As long as he isn't once again told to stop playing, he can deal with pretending like it's not happening. Although this time, he's not so sure he would be able to stop, even if his father told him to give it up. It no longer is that easy.

He plays some of his new work for Yifan when they spend time together. It's not as often as Yifan would like, because Yixing still has a restaurant to practically run and Yifan is busy with his own work, but when they do meet up it's nice. Yixing likes Yifan, he really does. Yifan doesn't care when Yixing randomly speaks in Korean, or when Yixing's mind wanders because he's too busy memorizing a beat that's popped up into his head. But there's something...missing, when Yixing is with Yifan. Something he hasn't quite been able to figure out. It nags quietly at him in the background when they're together, when Yifan smiles at him affectionately and the expression on his face tells Yixing more than words could ever. Yixing just doesn't want to ruin what is one of the best things that's happened to him in awhile just because he's unsure.

It was always easy pretending like nothing was wrong throughout university. That it didn't bother him so much to pursue a degree in something he had no interest in, that it was easy to give up music because his parents needed his help and if Yixing couldn't help them, who could? It was easy to put on a mask in front of his friends, and even when they sometimes managed to see underneath it, they never pushed too far.

Chanyeol was the one who tried his hardest, Chanyeol was the one who succeeded in dragging Yixing from behind it, getting him to play again, questioning whether he was really happy.

Yixing thinks about that a lot these days. Being happy. There isn't as much to distract him these days now that he's at home. It’s just the restaurant, and his parents, and both are constant reminders of his much he has settled.

He doesn't hear from Chanyeol much anymore but he always remembers what he said, the night they'd talked after his music video first released. He's so good at making Yixing think, so good at inspiring him to want to do _more_ , and he's always been right because Yixing was not happy, studying business, and he's not happy, now, slowly being groomed to take over his family's restaurant.

It hadn't been so bad that first year, coming home to his parents' proud smiles and welcoming hugs, but as the days go on and Yixing watches clips on Tudou of Chanyeol performing on major Korean networks or stays up late just to get the song in his head written out on paper, he starts to finally realize how he wants so much more.

“You want to _what_?” Lu Han exclaims, peering at Yixing through the screen of their video chat.

“I want to stop working here,” Yixing says again, slowly grinning. It’s the first time he’s brought it up to anyone, and it feels good, thinking about something that _he_ wants. “I want to try auditioning for some agencies, too, you know? See if I can actually get in somewhere.”

Lu Han’s jaw drops and he’s silent long enough for Yixing to laugh and say, “Close your mouth before your jaw reaches the floor,” and that has Lu Han sputtering.

“You’re seriously considering pursuing your music now?” he asks, still shocked, but Yixing can tell he’s also really pleased. When Yixing nods his head, he adds, “ _Finally_.”

They both laugh, because it’s true, and Yixing feels...He feels really good, getting this off his chest, telling someone else that what he has right now isn’t enough. “I want more,” he says, and Lu Han is grinning at him, “I didn’t get it before. I thought it’d be okay, because my parents were proud of me, and it hasn’t been so bad, working here, but--”

“But you shouldn’t be living life just on the fact that it’s not so bad,” Lu Han finishes for him and Yixing nods again. “Fuck, Yixing, we’ve all been trying to tell you this for years.”

Yixing chuckles, rus a hand through his hair and leans toward the camera. “Well, you guys did always say I can be a little slow.”

“Five _years_ isn’t just a little slow, you dumbass,” Lu Han says loudly, but he looks excited about everything and Yixing is happy to see that. Telling Lu Han is only the first obstacle in a series of challenges, but it’s one that gives Yixing even more confidence to push ahead.

“I have no idea where to start though,” Yixing admits. He just has pages of completed songs and a CD worth of recorded ones and a dream that’s suddenly too big to hold in his hands. He wonders, vaguely, if this is how Chanyeol used to feel all the time, but he shakes that thought away as soon as it comes.

Lu Han smiles at him. “You’ll figure it out,” he says with conviction. “Now that you know what you want, nothing will stop you. That much I know.”

“Thanks, Lu Han,” Yixing says, smiling back and feeling excited about the future, for maybe the first time.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing researches as much as he can about the best agencies and labels in Beijing. He doesn't want to blindly try to audition unless he's completely sure it's a place that fits. He's not in a rush to get out, either, so it lets him be careful, making sure his music is near perfect when he records them, ensuring no one is at home when he does so he doesn't get interrupted half-way through like some of his earlier attempts. The more he works on this, the more excited he becomes. He doesn't know what will happen, but he hopes, he _dreams_ , that someone, somewhere, will think that Yixing has something to show. That's really all he wants at this point. To be given the opportunity to showcase his talent.

When he's stuck, he sends Chanyeol clips of what he's working on because despite everything, Chanyeol is the one Yixing writes the best with. Chanyeol doesn't respond in a very timely manner, but he _does_ respond, and they start to build up that musical relationship they once had, via emails and .mp3 files. Chanyeol sends him lyrics back, whining about how Yixing was always the better writer between the two of them, and Yixing will give him ideas while Chanyeol will send him back a fully composed song because Chanyeol had finished Yixing's composition on his own.

His email is full of messages from Chanyeol now, in a way it hasn't been in a very long time, and Yixing's heart leaps every time he sees something new. It isn't for awhile that they manage to talk on video chat again, but when Chanyeol's face fills the screen, Yixing feels the fluttering in his chest that he always had when they had been together. He realizes, with a start, right then, that it's this sort of feeling that he doesn't have when he's with Yifan. This sort of love that overwhelms him. He'd almost thought, after all this time without being in proper contact with each other, that his feelings had lessened. It didn't hurt that much, to go out with Yifan, but looking at Chanyeol's sleepy face on his screen, his eyes tired but his smile just as bright, Yixing realizes he never quite stopped feeling for Chanyeol.

"I loved your latest song," Chanyeol says enthusiastically. "The lyrics were so great."

Yixing laughs, quickly pushing aside his revelation to dwell on for later. "The lyrics were in Chinese," he says. "Did you learn the entire language since the last time we talked?"

Chanyeol makes a face at him, then laughs, too. His loud voice makes Yixing's speakers crackle a little. "I had Lu Han-hyung listen to it," he admits. Ah, that explains Lu Han's latest email about Yixing's sappy lyrics. "He gave me the gist of it."

"Don't show Lu Han anything anymore," Yixing says. "I'm surprised he didn't try to tell you it was all about sex or something."

"Actually..." Chanyeol starts, an amused grin tugging at his lips and Yixing groans.

"It's a good thing I'm not over there or I'd kill him," Yixing says, shaking his head.

Chanyeol laughs again and Yixing's heart squeezes at the sound. He has missed it so much. "Speaking of being over here, I talked to Baekhyun the other day about you and he mentioned he's told you to come visit many times but you keep saying no. Why?"

Yixing is a little surprised that Chanyeol has talked to Baekhyun, and even apparently Lu Han, about him, but that's something to think about later, too. "I don't know," he says and it's mostly true. There are reasons, Yixing knows, like would Chanyeol want to see him if Yixing went to visit? Would they pick up right where they left off? "It's not that I don't want to but--"

"No buts! If you want to, then you should come," Chanyeol says. "I'd love to see you. Forget everyone else. Come visit me."

"So demanding," he teases, "becoming famous has changed you."

Chanyeol snorts, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms over his head. He barely manages to hide his yawn. "You should listen to me because I'm famous."

Yixing just smiles at him and says, "You look tired. Go to sleep, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol doesn't look like he wants to stop talking, but the second he opens his mouth and is taken by yet another yawn, he seems to cave. "All right," he says, waving at the screen. "Send me more music soon, okay?"

"Sure," Yixing agrees; he already has one that could take another set of ears. “Good night.”

Chanyeol blows a kiss to him just before his screen goes black and Yixing sits there for a long while afterward, wishing it could be real and knowing that he now has another problem on his hands.

 

 

♫

 

 

“You want to break up?” Yifan repeats slowly, eyes widening in surprise and the hand that he’d been holding onto Yixing’s slowly pulls away. He leans back, too, like Yixing’s words had physically hurt him. “I don’t understand. We’ve been doing really well, I thought you…”

“I do like you,” Yixing says and he hopes it sounds honest because he does mean that. “I do, but I've just realized that it's not fair to you, being in this relationship when I'm..." Yixing swallows, looking down at his hands for a second to gather the strength. "I still like Chanyeol, Yifan. And I'm sorry, that I didn't figure this out earlier, but I don't want to keep doing this now that I know."

Yifan stares at him for long time without saying anything and it's quiet in the restaurant. Yixing had asked him to stop by that morning before opening for the day and it's just the two of them seated at one of the tables by the door. Eventually, just as Yixing is starting to get worried by his lack of response, Yifan lets out a deep sigh that turns halfway into an incredulous chuckle. "I guess I can't say I'm entirely surprised," he says finally. "It did sometimes feel like you weren't as interested, but I thought maybe you just needed more time, or something." He laughs fully now, reaches up as if to push a hand through his hair in frustration but drops it after a second like he's remember he still has to go into work soon. He plays with a ring on his finger instead and looks sadly at Yixing. "I really thought I was getting to you, too."

Yixing cracks a smile. "You were," he says, "but it's just not...Chanyeol and I never really broke up, you know? We just sort of fell apart, but we've been talking a lot more, lately, and it might not be what we had before but when I hear from him I feel the way I used to feel and that's what I _should_ feel with you." He shakes his head slightly and swallows, throat feeling suddenly dry. This is harder than he thought it would be, but he's glad Yifan hasn't gotten terribly upset at him yet. "I'm sorry," he continues, "I really am."

"It's okay, Yixing," Yifan says. "It sucks, and I might not get over it for awhile, but I am glad you told me now instead of later."

Yixing isn't sure what to say to that, just fiddles with a little hole in his jeans until Yifan grabs his hand to stop him.

"Really, Yixing," he says, "it's okay."

Yixing lets out a deep breath of relief and smiles at him. "Thank you," he says and Yifan pats his hand once before letting go and standing.

"I should head off to work then," he says, walking toward the door. Yixing follows after. "I'll call you sometime, if that's okay?"

"Yes," Yixing says quickly, "of course it is. I don't want to stop being friends,Yifan."

Yifan looks relieved at that, the tension in his shoulders fading a bit. "Good," he says and the smile he gives Yixing is still sad but earnest. "I'll see you later then."

Yixing nods, thinking about reaching out to gently squeeze his hand once, but decides better of it, just waves lightly instead and watches as the heads down the street and disappears around the corner. As he gets ready for the day, he's amazed by how much lighter he feels and he hopes this good mood will last.

 

 

♫

 

 

When Yixing does hear from Yifan again, it’s surprisingly not even a full week later. He stops by the restaurant around lunchtime on a Thursday and Song Qian shows him to his seat but catches Yixing and says that Yifan wants to talk to him. “I’ll cover, don’t worry. Go say hi,” she says, waving him off, and Yixing knows he can trust her to watch over everything while he’s busy with Yifan.

“Hey,” he says, sliding into the chair opposite him. “I...I didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon.”

“Well, you know, I might have come here just to get food because I was hungry,” Yifan replies and Yixing laughs.

“I see how it is,” Yixing plays along. “Food is more important than ex-boyfriends.” He shakes his head like this is extremely upsetting and is happy to see Yifan grin. “So, what can I get you today? Let me put in your order before we talk.”

Yifan pokes around the menu for a few seconds before he orders what he always gets when he stops by, and Yixing lets Han Geng know before sitting back down at the table. “So, what’s up?” he asks.

"I remembered you'd mentioned sometime before we...uh, you know," Yifan says a little awkwardly and Yixing grins at him. "That you were thinking of checking into some labels because of your music."

"Yeah, I think I said something about that once to you," Yixing says, brows furrowing because he's not really sure where Yifan's going with this. "What about it?"

"The other day I heard from a friend of mine who works at a Korean music label," Yifan says. "I know you were looking for options in Beijing, but I wanted to give you his contact information. I think he might be able to help you figure something out. At least, you know, be able to help you get started. You're still not sure where to go from here, right?"

Yixing blinks at him a few times rapidly, surprised. He wasn't expecting this. He opens his mouth and closes it and then shakes his head a little to clear his mind. "Yeah," he says again, "yeah, I haven't contacted anyone yet. I mean, I have a list and I've thought about it but--"

"Then, here," Yifan says, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet. He takes out a small business card and hands it to Yixing. "He's not like a producer specifically or anything, but when I mentioned you to him, he said he's always interested in new talent and even if you don't want to relocate or anything, he would be able to help you out in some way I'm sure."

Yixing nods, taking the card from Yifan and scanning the words. _Kim Junmyeon_ , it reads. From Seo Taiji Company.

"Give him a call, Yixing," Yifan says and he's smiling softly at him when Yixing meets his eyes again. "You're really good, and if this is what you want to do, I want it for you, too."

Yixing runs his fingers over the card. "I'll call him," he says firmly, finally, finally feeling like maybe he does have a shot at all of this. At his dreams.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing gets in touch with a few Beijing based labels in the next few days. A couple say they're currently not interested, but there are three that are, telling him to stop by their offices for some forms and to send over any music he's written or recorded. He has no idea when they'll get back to him, _if_ they'll even get back to him, so after he's done all of that, he calls up this Kim Junmyeon.

Junmyeon sounds like a nice, cheerful guy on the phone and when Yixing tells him he's Yifan's friend, he opens up even more, excitedly telling Yixing what Yifan had mentioned about him. "I hear you're quite the guitarist," Junmyeon says. "I'm sure our agency would like to hear what you can do. Why don't you send me some of your best songs? Let me give you my email."

Talking with Junmyeon makes everything feel so much more attainable. Like his dream is just within reach, his fingertips skimming the edges but not yet grasping hold. He doesn't know if Junmyeon's agency will accept him either, and it's the not knowing in the next few weeks that makes Yixing feel constantly anxious. He goes to play at his favorite spots after work when he can, Zitao usually accompanying him, and sometimes Amber or Song Qian come along, too. He's mentioned to them how much he wants to get famous, how much he wants to play professionally, and it's nice, how they don't tell him it's a silly little dream, that Yixing has a good thing at the restaurant, that he should focus on that. They encourage him, and joke about making sure he doesn't forget them when he is famous.

"I'd never," he says, slinging an arm around Zitao and ruffling his hair.

The only person he hasn't mentioned this to, other than his parents, is Chanyeol. He probably should, because this is what they were striving towards together for awhile and Yixing remembers how upset he'd felt when Chanyeol had been scouted but hadn't told him. But with every email they exchange and every video chat they have, now not as far apart as they once were, Yixing just can't find the words to bring it up. How would he even say it? What if he doesn't it make it anywhere?

He thinks he gets it now, why Chanyeol had kept it a secret back then.

Instead he just talks to Chanyeol like usual, swapping ideas for new songs, emailing him little anecdotes about his day, Zitao pulling a prank on Amber that she gets him back twice as bad for later, or how his grandmother keeps saying Yixing works too hard and tries to feed him extra portions at meals. Chanyeol tells him so much about his packed schedules and the worry about not knowing if his next single will do as well, or how nervous he gets these days before he goes on stage.

_Nervous? You? When did that happen?_ Yixing sends back, amused.

_Shut up, hyung. It's different, playing in a tiny club, and performing on a music program that airs throughout the whole country!!_ Chanyeol replies, followed by a lot of teary eyed faces that make Yixing laugh.

Yixing emails, _You can do it. You're amazing_ , and Chanyeol sends him a cocky, _I know_ , only to follow up with another email just containing heart emoticons.

It makes Yixing wonder, maybe, if there's still something there between them.

 

 

♫

 

 

The rejection is easier to bear than Yixing would have thought. Two of the Beijing labels turn him down but Yixing doesn't feel completely deterred. He tried, and he wants to keep trying. It's upsetting, sure, but it's not the end of the world. At least, not yet. He still has yet to hear back from one of his top choices, and then there's Junmyeon's label, too.

So he records again, practices even more, and he widens his search of labels in Hong Kong and Shanghai. He looks up a couple in Korea, too, just to keep on the back burner. The company Chanyeol joined is one of them, scribbled at the bottom of a list he's written out on notebook paper and tucked into the top drawer of his desk.

"Don't fret," his grandmother says when she catches him looking up agencies online one day. He hasn't told her yet completely, what he's planning to do, but he's pretty sure she knows. She pats his hand. "I believe it will happen if you want it to."

"I want it to," he tells her and she smiles at him encouragingly and Yixing starts to feel like he can tackle anything.

Except he's not prepared for when his parents ultimately find out. His mother stumbling across his list when she was looking for something in his desk and Yixing isn't even surprised by it, really, but he isn't prepared for the sudden interrogation.

"I thought you had stopped trying to do this, Yixing," his mother says, frowning at him from where she's sitting on the couch by his father. Yixing stands to the side, squaring his shoulders and thinking through every version of the speech he had prepared in his head for when he would have to explain.

"I told you that it isn't so easy to give up," Yixing says and she purses her lips at that, because she can't refute it. "And I'm sorry I haven't told you, or been honest about it with you. But this...this is what I want to do."

His father stares at him with hard eyes and he leans forward, assessing Yixing carefully. "After everything you've done, how hard you worked at school for business, you just want to throw that all away?" he asks, and his voice is angry even if he's not yelling.

Yixing balls his hands into fists at his side and he tries to keep himself calm and collected. He doesn't want a fight. "It's not what I want," Yixing says as firmly as he can. "I thought--I thought I could handle it, I thought that it was what I _should_ do, after what happened to you, dad, but, it's not what I _want_. It's never been what I want."

"And you want this? Music?" he asks him. "Music won't get you very far, Yixing. It's not going to secure your future, it is just a pipe dream, wanting to be famous. I thought you had grown out of these childish ambitions."

"It is not childish," Yixing says and the strength of his reply seems to surprise his parents. "I know that it's not as easily fulfilling as taking over our restaurant, but how will I know, if I never even _try_? All I've done is do as you've asked, putting aside the one thing that always made me happy, and I thought I could handle it. Running the restaurant this past year hasn't been so bad--"

"Then why stop?" his mother cuts in, and she doesn't look so angry as she does disappointed. Confused. Yixing doesn't really blame her.

"Because it doesn't make me _happy_ ," Yixing says and his parents are taken aback once again, glancing at each other for a second before looking back at him. "I'm really good at writing music and at playing guitar. That is what makes me happy and I don't know if it will lead me anywhere, but I _have_ to try."

"And what happens if you fail? You'll come back here and pick up where you left off at the restaurant like nothing happened?"

Yixing shakes his head. "I don't know," he says truthfully. He hasn't thought that far ahead. "All I know right now is that I can't keep pretending that I'm all right, doing something that makes me miserable." He swallows thickly and lets his fingers slowly uncurl at his sides. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

His parents are silent for a long moment before his father stands. His face is stern and his eyes are still dark. When he speaks, all he says is, "You will stop this nonsense right now, Yixing, and continue at the restaurant like we've discussed. That is it."

He doesn't give Yixing a chance to answer before he's leaving the room, and Yixing hears the door of his parents' bedroom shut a few seconds later. Yixing lets out a deep, shaky breath, and looks to his mother. She's still sitting on the couch and Yixing walks over to join her.

"I'm sorry," he says again, softly, and she looks at him a little sadly.

"This is really what you want?" she says and when Yixing nods she lets out a small laugh. "I don't understand. What will we do with the restaurant if you--"

"I've already thought of that," Yixing says, reaching out to wrap an arm around his mother's shoulders. "I'm not trying to abandon the place, abandon you. I just need--" He sighs and gives her a small squeeze. "I need more, mother. I need to _try_ , or I will always wonder what if."

She doesn't say anything for awhile, only reaches out to take Yixing's free hand in hers and silently linking their fingers together. Eventually, just as Yixing is starting to think of what else to say that can convince her, she says, "This will take some time for us to understand. Don't worry about your father, though. I will talk with him."

"Okay," he agrees, hope lighting in his chest because this is more than he could've wanted, really. Yixing isn't too worried about his father anyway. He decided, earlier, that if was going to go through with this, then he wouldn't let anyone get in his way this time.

 

 

♫

 

 

Yixing is in the middle of work when he gets a call from Yue Hua Entertainment. He ducks into the back quickly, Song Qian giving him a stern look that he brushes off with a quick smile, and answers the call. Their representative tells him he’s been offered an audition and to come in tomorrow afternoon if possible. Yixing accepts without question; he knows Song Qian and Amber will be able to take care of everything for him.

“I hope that grin on your face is for something good,” Song Qian says when he comes back out, “because those girls who come by just to see you kept giving me some attitude when I said you were busy.”

Yixing laughs. “You’re the best,” he says and she smirks a bit, because she knows. “I got an audition, for tomorrow. Can you--”

“Of course,” she says instantly. “Don’t worry about a thing.”

“Thank you,” he says earnestly and she pushes him over to the table in the corner to take the young girls’ orders. Yixing grins at her before heading back to work and he knows he will have to ask her properly soon, if she will be able to look after everything if he does manage to get an offer somewhere. She would be able to run this place much better than him.

Yixing is surprised he’s not more nervous for his audition the next day. The afternoon just about flies by. One second he’s meeting with a few representatives, the next he’s playing through two of his own songs, and then he’s told, “You did really well. We will contact you soon with our decision,” and sent on his way.

He _is_ , however, surprised to hear from Junmyeon before he hears back from Yue Hua Entertainment, just two days later an audition request finds itself in his email and Junmyeon’s left an excited voicemail on Yixing’s phone.

He wasn’t expecting to hear back from a Korea-based company, so he has to think about it a little further before he decides. Lu Han doesn’t give much good advice, just sounding excited about the prospect of being in the same country again, while Zitao reminds him that if Yixing really wants to do this, he should look at all options. It’s not guaranteed he’ll even get an offer from Yue Hua.

“And if you’re worried about the restaurant, don’t worry,” Zitao says, slinging an arm around Yixing’s shoulders and squeezing. “We’ll hold down the fort.”

“I think Zitao means he’ll let everyone else hold down the fort while he takes instagram photos instead of working,” Amber shouts from the other side of the restaurant and Yixing laughs at the pouty look on Zitao’s face.

Everything seems to be going so fast suddenly and Yixing is overwhelmed by the opportunities in his grasp but he knows that he will regret it if he doesn’t go. So he tells Junmyeon he’ll be there that coming weekend and books the best flight he can into Incheon. He works everything out with Song Qian, Han Geng and the others at restaurant before he tells his parents anything.

“It’s only for a weekend,” he emphasizes, “and they’re more than capable to run the place than I am, honestly. They’ve been doing it longer than me to begin with.”

“You’re that determined to throw away your responsibilities--” his father starts but this time Yixing really can’t keep quiet.

“I don’t want them to be my responsibilities!” he exclaims and his father closes his mouth with a snap, frowning hard at him. “I have tried my best, but I can’t continue to do this anymore. Song Qian is more qualified to take care of the restaurant than I am and if you weren’t so set on me taking over, you would be able to see that.”

When they don’t say anything, Yixing clears his throat and adds, “I’m going, just for the weekend, because if I don’t go I will just regret it. Maybe you will realize while I’m away that things will be just fine without me.”

He leaves before he can be yelled at or stopped and in his room he sends off a quick email to Lu Han to pick him up from the airport on Friday morning.

Then, after much contemplation, he sends one to Chanyeol.

_I hope you’re free this weekend_ he says, smiling as he types, _because I’ll be in Korea, and I would like to see you._

 

 

♫

 

 

Seoul is just as Yixing remembers it. Lu Han picks him up from the airport before he has to go into work, bringing him back to his apartment where Lu Han had offered his couch so Yixing didn't have to worry about finding a hotel. His place is small but comfortable and Lu Han fills it up with incessant talking the second they make it back and Yixing has definitely missed him.

"Make yourself at home, okay?" Lu Han says. "Will you be able to find the place for your audition?"

"It's not like I didn't live in Seoul for four years, Lu Han," Yixing points out with a laugh.

"Hey, you tend to forget your own birthday so how can I be sure you won't somehow end up in Busan on your way to your audition?" Lu Han says.

"I wrote down the address. I'll take a cab," Yixing says. "It'll be fine. Go to work before you get fired."

"Yeah, yeah," Lu Han says and he gives Yixing a one-armed hug at the door. "It's good to see you," he says with a grin and Yixing smacks his butt to get him going.

Yixing has a few hours until their audition so he fiddles around in Lu Han's apartment, watching television and rewriting his high scores on his FIFA video games when he gets bored. He tries not to check his email too much because Chanyeol hasn't yet replied to the message he'd sent the other day. He'd followed it up with a little note to tell him he was staying with Lu Han and to give him a call if he was free.

Yixing really hopes he is.

His audition time comes by all too quickly, and Yixing grabs his guitar and the address he'd carefully written down on a post it to hand to the driver when he finally manages to hail a taxi. He's a little nervous this time, maybe because he had to come all the way over to Korea for this audition, that they must've really liked him to even bother asking him for one at all. He goes through the songs he'd picked to play again and again in his head, tapping out the beats on his knee as he's shuttled off to the building.

Junmyeon is the one who meets him in the lobby. He's a smaller guy with a handsome face and a kind smile and he says, "I'm really glad you decided to come. Did you have a good flight?"

"I slept the whole way," Yixing says, "so I can't complain." Junmyeon chuckles at that and Yixing feels his anxiety easily vanishing in his presence. "Thank you for giving me this audition."

"You deserve one," Junmyeon tells him with a grin as he leads Yixing to the elevator and up to the third floor. "I'm sure you'll do great."

"Thank you," Yixing says. Junmyeon takes him to the audition room, explaining how he's not a part of the deciding team but that Yixing shouldn't worry and just have a good time.

"Maybe we can meet up for dinner sometime while you're still here," he offers and Yixing nods quickly. "I might be able to help you out with any other industry questions you might have."

"That would be nice," Yixing says and he takes Junmyeon's number down in his phone and thanks him again.

"Good luck," Junmyeon says, patting his shoulder once before he leaves Yixing at the door. Yixing watches him leave before he turns away, gripping the strap of his guitar tightly in his fist and taking a few slow breaths to calm his racing heart.

He can do this, he tells himself before he knocks.

 

 

♫

 

 

"I'm really proud of you, you know?" Lu Han says later that night. They've ordered some jjajangmyeon and are sitting around Lu Han's tiny coffee table, eating and half-watching an old drama on television. "You finally grew some balls and decided to go after something you really want."

"It's really not _that_ big of a deal," Yixing tries to protest, even though it really is. "But thanks, I guess." He gives Lu Han a weird look and Lu Han just laughs at him, reaching for his beer to down a few sips.

"How does it feel?" he asks and Yixing thinks about it around a mouthful of noodles.

"Good," he says, slowly smiling. "Really good. It's a little scary, because I don't know what's going to happen, but at least I can say I tried. I guess that's what really matters."

"My little XingXing," Lu Han says, pretending to sniff, "all grown up!"

"Who're you calling little?" Yixing laughs, kicking Lu Han underneath the table. "We're the same height!"

"I don't know, last I remember I had a few centimeters on you," Lu Han says grandly and Yixing leaves his dinner alone to instead tackle his friend to the ground. Their laughter bounces off the walls and Yixing's heart feels so full it might burst because right now he doesn't think he's ever been happier. He has two successful auditions under his belt and he can just feel it, in his gut, that he's made at least one of them, and even if he doesn't, it's okay. Because he will try again, and again. As many times as it takes, or until he discovers something different. He's happy, right now, because he's here with Lu Han, too, after such a long time, and tomorrow he should be able to meet Baekhyun and Jongdae for lunch and everything is really, really good.

Their impromptu wrestling match is cut off by a sudden knock at the door and Lu Han climbs off of Yixing with a deep breath. "Maybe we're being too loud or something," Lu Han says, heading for the door. "My neighbor is a serious cranky old lady."

Yixing snickers, splaying out on the floor as he catches his own breath and he's expecting to hear some kind of angry voice telling Lu Han to keep things down, but instead, Lu Han returns a few seconds later with someone Yixing wasn't expecting at all.

Chanyeol is still as tall and handsome as ever, dressed in fitted jeans and a familiar oversized hoodie. His hair is a surprising red now, and cut a little short so his ears stand out even more than usual, but his smile is still the same, so warm and bright and making Yixing's heart skip a beat as he stares down at him on the floor in something akin to wonder.

"I think I'll let you guys catch up," Lu Han says, breaking the silence with a smug smirk on his face. "I'll go get some dessert or something."

Yixing just nods at him vaguely because he's still too shocked that Chanyeol is here. _Here_ , right in front of him, just within arm's length and Yixing--

He quickly scrambles to his feet just as he hears the front door open and close and Chanyeol is stepping toward him. "What're you doing here?" is the first thing out of Yixing's mouth, which really isn't what he meant to say at all, but it doesn't matter in the end since Chanyeol doesn't even bother to answer. Instead he's reaching out to cup Yixing's face in his hands and he's leaning down the way he always did so Yixing never had to tiptoe and he kisses him soundly on the mouth.

Yixing gasps into his mouth, reaching out to grab the front of Chanyeol's hoodie and drawing him even closer. It makes Chanyeol moan slightly, and the sound is almost more out of relief than pleasure and that glimmer of hope is burning hot in Yixing's chest.

He presses at Chanyeol until he's maneuvered him to the nearest wall so they're not kissing in the middle of Lu Han's living room and Chanyeol grunts softly when his back slams into it. His hands drop from Yixing's face to find his waist instead and he drags him even closer and Yixing's mind is reeling because he really hadn't realized how much he had wanted this again until this exact moment.

He pulls away first, struggling to find his breath, and says, "It's good to see you, too, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol lets out a deep, rumbling laugh that Yixing had missed so much, and he leans in to press his lips to Yixing's once more before he says, "I'm sorry I didn't reply to your email. I've practically spent the last few days holed up in a studio because we had to re-record some songs and I only got out a few hours ago. I came right here."

"Don't worry about it," Yixing says and he really doesn't care about that. He's just glad Chanyeol is here.

"What are you doing here?" Chanyeol questions, reaching out to slowly brush Yixing's bangs from his face. His touch still leaves Yixing craving more.

"It's a long story," Yixing says with a slight laugh. When Chanyeol frowns at him though, Yixing says, "The short version is that I'm here for an audition with Seo Taiji Company."

Chanyeol's eyes widen almost comically and Yixing laughs again, the sound turning into a bit of a screech when Chanyeol's fingers at his waist tickle him incessantly. "And you didn't tell me?" Chanyeol exclaims, continuing his little attack until Yixing grabs his hands in each of his and yanks them away. He holds them tightly in his and leans forward to kiss Chanyeol deeply.

"Like I said, it's a long story, and I'd rather leave it for when Lu Han gets back, because when he does, we won't have this chance to be alone," Yixing says. He meets Chanyeol's gaze and voices what's been on his mind the second Chanyeol kissed him. "I-I didn't know you still wanted this."

Chanyeol looks surprised at that but then a little sheepish. He pulls a hand from Yixing's grip to rub at his nose. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have just kissed you like that, but I just--" He swallows, frowning a little as he tries to gather his thoughts. Then he looks at Yixing with a strange look and questions, "Is it true you went out with Yifan?"

Yixing has no idea how Chanyeol knows this, since he never mentioned it, but it really doesn't matter. "Yes," he says and the way Chanyeol's expression plummets makes the hope get even brighter. "But," he says slowly, sliding his free hand through Chanyeol's hair and leaning into him. "I broke up with him."

"You did?"

Yixing nods. "It wasn't really fair, since I think I'm still a little in love with you."

The words seem to take a second to register in Chanyeol's brain but when they do, he rewards Yixing with a big smile that shows off his teeth and crinkles the corners of his eyes. "Just a little?" he laughs.

"Well, you did ignore my emails for weeks at a time," Yixing teases.

Chanyeol pouts at him. "You didn't even tell me you were auditioning here, so I think we're even."

Yixing laughs and pulls Chanyeol into another kiss, feeling addicted to the way they fit together to easily even though it's been over a year since the last time. Chanyeol's hands wrap around his waist and he pulls Yixing against him that it almost feels like Yixing is suffocating from Chanyeol everywhere around him but it's been so long that he doesn't care. He needs this, he wants this, just as much as he wants anything else.

"I never stopped liking you," Chanyeol breathes into his mouth sometime later. "I know we left things as sort of a mess between us after you graduated and the past year hasn't been easy, but Yixing, I don't want to end this."

"Good," Yixing says, linking their fingers together. "Because I don't want to either."

Chanyeol smiles at him beautifully and places a happy, sloppy kiss to his cheek just as they hear the door to Lu Han's apartment open again.

"You guys had better not be fucking or so help me!" Lu Han shouts from the doorway and Yixing stifles his laughter into Chanyeol's chest.

"How long are you here for?" Chanyeol asks.

"Just the weekend," Yixing says with a small frown. "I think we have a lot of talking to do."

"Yes," Chanyeol says, pushing himself off from the wall and leading Yixing toward the couch as Lu Han walks into the room, peeking through his fingers. He drops his hand from his face when he sees that they're both fully clothed and doesn't comment on their swollen mouths, just heads to the kitchen to put away whatever dessert he bought. "I think you should start with your auditions and we'll go from there."

"Okay," Yixing says.

 

 

♫

 

 

Within the next week, Yixing miraculously ends up with an offer from both Seo Taiji and Yue Hua. He stares at the emails he receives in shock. He was expecting one, maybe, but not both and despite being absolutely thrilled that _he's made it_ , he's actually at a loss for what to do.

This time though, he doesn't hesitate to tell Chanyeol. He gets an email response almost right away that says, _Congrats!_ in big font and then, underneath, _Be online at around seven. We’ll talk about it!_

Yixing goes into the restaurant mostly distracted that day and Song Qian snaps at him every time he spaces out. She's really taken over the role of manager easily and he knows his parents have started to see that, too, even if they have yet to be fully understanding about everything as Yixing hoped. Apparently his grandparents had talked with them while he was away and Yixing doesn't know what was said but as least his father doesn’t looks at him with such clear disappointment anymore. Yixing will take what he can get.

"Of course, I want to tell you to pick the Korea one," Chanyeol says first thing that night. "But that's not really fair. It's not about me, its about you.”

"Wow, when did you get so smart?"

"Hey, I've always been smart! Who was the one that helped you pass accounting?"

"Ah,” Yixing says, “I'd forgotten about that."

Chanyeol gasps. “How could you forget? That's how we met!”

“I just have...other, more interesting memories,” Yixing says, smirking slowly, and Chanyeol stares at him for a second before he groans and slumps back in his chair.

“Fuck I miss you,” he whine, “That was too short of a visit to make up for the past year.”

It really was, Yixing thinks. He can still feel Chanyeol’s lips on his and the warmth of his touch. It'd been hard to not cancel all of his plans just so he could've spent the weekend with Chanyeol at his apartment after Lu Han practically threatened to kick Yixing out since they kept making out that first night.

"Which company do you like better?” Chanyeol says, turning back to the issue at hand when Yixing takes too long to respond. “Which one is gonna give you what you want? That's what you have to think about.” He smiles. “You’re lucky, hyung. I just got one offer and I jumped on it. Not that this place isn't great, but, you know, it would've been nice to have other options."

"I know that,” Yixing says, because he does, and he’s glad he has the chance to pick the best place instead of just going to the only place that wants him. “It’s still hard." China is his home, is where his family lives, where he grew up, and it has the new friends he’s made and even the restaurant which he's grown to love. But Korea is where he made a new home for himself when everything here In China had been so daunting. Korea has the closest friends he's ever had, the ones who had _always_ believed in him even when Yixing didn't himself. Korea has Chanyeol.

“Hyung, it's not an easy decision, I know that. But I believe in you, and I believe you'll be able to make the right one.”

Yixing smiles at him, thinks about how much Chanyeol has always been supporting him since the beginning, even before he'd ever heard Yixing play. He pushes a hand through his hair and says, "Thank you."

Chanyeol tilts his head to the side, laughs. "For what? I’m just stating the obvious."

Yixing shakes his head. "For everything. For always telling me I could do it," he says. "You asked once, why I didn't want to come home, remember? You asked me so many times if I was ever really happy. You always got me thinking."

"Hyung--"

"Halfway through my first year, my dad had a heart attack," Yixing says and Chanyeol’s gasp is audible through his turned up speakers, but he doesn’t really hear it over how rapid his heart his beating in his ears. "It was shocking but he made it out of it fine. He's still fine, but he can't really run the restaurant as vigorously as he used to before. I told you that I used to have the same dreams as you, right?” Chanyeol nods on the screen and he’s watching Yixing so closely now. “I had to change them, though, because if I couldn't run the restaurant, who would? Or at least that's what I thought, especially after my dad told me I should stop playing around and start doing something worthwhile."

“So that's why you gave it all up. Music," Chanyeol says, voice full of wonder and understanding.

Yixing nods. “It was all I could do, after my parents told me it was the best for the restaurant, and for me, because going into music is such an impractical option. I did it, because I wanted them to know they could count on me, but it wasn’t easy.” He sighs, closes his eyes as he remembers that first year, how difficult it had been. “I’d almost failed all of the business classes I took that first year, but it was the disappointed looks on my parents faces that made me try harder.”

“Yixing, you-you don’t have to tell me anymore if it’s something you don’t want to talk about,” Chanyeol says but Yixing shakes his head.

“Didn’t we promise this past weekend that we’d be better about this sort of thing? Telling each other everything, and keeping in touch better?” Yixing says with a small laugh. “I should’ve told you before. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol says instantly. He pauses for a moment, considering, then asks, “What made you change your mind, then?”

Yixing grins and points a finger at the screen. “You did, you idiot,” he says. “I’d always known, deep down, that what I was doing wasn’t making me happy, but I was good at pretending because my parents were _so proud_ of me as I started to do better. So proud that I was following in the path they’d set out for me.” He smiles a little and shakes his head. “But I realized that I didn’t want that anymore, that you were right, when you said I shouldn’t be scared to go after what I want.”

“Well, I always knew I gave great advice,” Chanyeol says haughtily but he sounds a little touched. “I’m glad you decided to do this, hyung, not just because you’re good, but because you’re doing something for yourself, which it seems like it’s been a long time since you’ve done that.”

“It has,” Yixing agrees, “but now I know it won’t be the last.”

 

 

♫

 

 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Zitao whines, looking ridiculously close to crying as he clings to Yixing tightly like if he holds onto him he won’t be able to go. “It won’t be the same without you.”

“You’ll be just fine, Taozi,” Yixing says, patting his arm gently and offering him a smile. “It’s not like I won’t ever come back.”

“You’re going to be famous now and leave us all behind,” Amber says, slugging him in the shoulder and Yixing laughs because he’s pretty sure they’ve had this conversation before.

“Didn’t I say I’d never do that?” he muses aloud. “You all have such little faith.”

“I think you have little faith,” Song Qian says, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes at Yixing. “Stopping by here to ~check up on us~ like we can’t run this place ourselves.” She scoffs.

Yixing grins at her the way he usually does that usually makes her cave whenever she tries to be stern. “I know you can,” he says, “and besides, it’s my parents you really have to convince.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Song Qian says, waving a hand in the air dismissively. “I think you finally started to get to them.”

“It probably helped once they realized I was actually given real offers by two different labels,” Yixing laughs, remembering the surprised look on his parents’ faces when he brought it up. His grandmother had laughed with him then, looking happily proud of him as his grandfather said, “See, you shouldn’t have doubted him so much.” They’re still not one hundred percent happy with Yixing giving up everything he’d worked toward for four years, but he’ve come to accept, albeit slowly, that this is really what he wants. It’s more than Yixing could ask for, really.

“I’m excited for you, Yixing,” Amber says. She pats his back once, twice, with maybe a little more force than necessary, and Yixing stumbles forward out of Zitao’s grip. Zitao makes an affronted noise and hooks an arm around Yixing’s elbow like he’s prone to doing.

Yixing looks around and thinks that he really will miss them. “Make sure you watch out for when I debut,” he says, “I’ll send you guys signed merch to put up in the restaurant.”

“That’s only if you actually get famous,” Zitao teases and the way he screeches when Yixing wraps an arm around his neck in a headlock has them all laughing.

It was a hard decision to make, one that Yixing spent days contemplating, matching the pros against the cons and discussing with not just Chanyeol, but his grandmother, Lu Han, and even Junmyeon, who, despite clearly wanting Yixing to join his own label, gave Yixing some helpful advice about the industry as a whole.

In the end, there was really only one option, and he had called Seo Taiji back to accept the offer they had given him. Tomorrow he will be leaving to go back to Korea, to sign with a company that offers him a lot more than just playing and writing music. It lets him go back to a place where he has felt much more at home than he has here in a long time, and to people he knows will constantly support him in every decision he makes for the future. Yixing isn’t so scared anymore, to go after what he wants, even if it takes him away from his family and the new friends he made, or the comfort of _settling_. He doesn’t want that anymore, and his dreams feel so big.

 

 

 

♫

 

 

Chanyeol’s apartment is just spacious enough for the two of them, Yixing taking over the couch or the other half of Chanyeol’s large bed and filling up the spaces in between like he’s always meant to be there. It’s only temporary, though, until Yixing finds a place of his own, even though after a week of being here, he’s not entirely sure that he wants to leave.

He’s pretty sure Chanyeol doesn’t want him to, either.

“Yixing,” Chanyeol says, reaching out to poke Yixing in the thigh a few times to get his attention. “What do you think of this?”

Yixing sets his guitar aside, atop the new notebook his grandmother had given him before he left home that is already filled with pages of lyrics and ideas, and turns to face Chanyeol properly. Chanyeol grins at him and then plays, trying not to strum too loudly because it’s late at night and the walls are thin, and he hums softly under his breath as he plays. It’s pretty and soothing and Yixing scoots closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and hooking his chin on his right shoulder. He stares at the sheet music Chanyeol has been working on out on the floor in front of him and he can feel Chanyeol’s body move against his chest as he continues to play. Yixing can’t make out any of the words Chanyeol has scribbled between the staffs so he hums along with him, gently taps his fingers along with the beat up Chanyeol’s sides.

“You’re such a distraction,” Chanyeol breathes a few seconds later, stopping his playing so abruptly the guitar makes a loud, angry noise. He pushes it off his lap and turns toward Yixing, fisting his fingers into Yixing’s shirt and pulling him up into a kiss.

“You like it,” Yixing says back, in between kisses, threading his hands through Chanyeol’s hair, his lips quirking into a smirk against Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol just groans and kisses him harder and Yixing laughs as he reciprocates, and he knows that Chanyeol needs to finish this song by the end of the week and he really shouldn’t be distracting him, but it’s a little difficult to keep so much to himself, now that they’re finally so close together.

It will be okay though, Yixing thinks, because now they don’t have to share their ideas via emails and music files. They can stay up until the sun rises and whisper lyrics into each other’s ears and they can fill up Chanyeol’s apartment with their singing when it’s midday and no one else on the floor is around to hear them. They can wrap each other in their arms, Chanyeol holding Yixing to his chest as he plays through another song on the guitar, lying between his legs and they will finish whatever Chanyeol needs to create together, if they have to, running high on coffee and sex until they’ve gotten it all out.

Yixing didn’t expect to be here, back together with Chanyeol like this like the past year had never happened and they picked up right where they left off. It’s even better than that, though, because they’ve both learned so much from it and Yixing…Yixing has changed so much. He goes into the company every morning and he trains and he learns and he becomes more and more excited for what the future holds. It might be years before he is allowed to debut, before he can properly play on stage, but he knows that he will make it there someday.

“Hey,” Yixing says softly, pulling apart from Chanyeol to reach for his guitar again. It feels just as right in his hands as Chanyeol’s kisses. “Let’s play something.”


End file.
